S5 E4 Blooming Amidst the War - Pt 2 (Alina Zievakova)

Episode Summary

Imagine being able to attend a bold and beautiful theater performance that gives voice to a path you might know all too well, a path of healing from the impacts of violence or trauma. Imagine what that might feel like in your core, to see someone go on a journey similar to yours and get to the other side of it. (This is part 2 of a 2-part interview with Alina Zievakova of ProEnglish Theatre of Ukraine.)

Episode Resources

→ Blooming - Watch the Performance (47:49)
https://www.scenesaver.co.uk/production/bloom-in-violence/
(Registration is free and only takes a few minutes)

→ Part 1 of This Interview: https://ever-changing.net/episodes/s5-e3-blooming-amidst-the-war-pt-1

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

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Love Shame Piñata?
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Full Transcript

Zievakova: Women come at different stages of going through their own trauma and some come saying that, “I'm so glad that I am at the end of the journey now. I came through all this way and you have shown it to me, how I have done it actually, and now I can realize it.” Or there are women who are just at the beginning and it's usually tough for them seeing the show, but at the same time, it does give this, you know, small push of hope if I can call it this way, that at least you're not alone and at least there are people around who are ready to help and ready to be there for you.

Imagine being able to attend a bold and beautiful theater performance that gives voice to a path you might know all too well, a path of healing from the impacts of violence or trauma. Imagine what that might feel like in your core, to see someone go on a journey similar to yours and get to the other side of it. This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. 

If you joined us for last month’s episode, you heard all about a unique theatrical performance that honors the journey of finding a way forward after trauma or violence. Ukrainian film and theater actress Alina Zievakova was our guide for that conversation. She told us about a show called Blooming, produced by ProEnglish Theatre of Ukraine. Blooming was created by three women: Alina, who is the lead in the show, Jasmine Sotelo, the choreographer who also appears onstage, and director Anabell Ramirez.

It all began right after russia’s full-scale invasion, when Alina and Anabell decided to volunteer their time to work as fixers. That meant that they accompanied foreign journalists who were in Ukraine documenting war crimes. In that role they witnessed some intense stories of gender-based violence and both felt very strongly that they needed to do something with all of the knowledge they gained through hearing those stories. And since theater was their strongest instrument, they decided to create a performance about it. Today I’m happy to welcome Alina back to tell us more about Blooming. We’ll touch on the uniquely Ukrainian symbolism in the show, how the show was received by the survivors who attended, and we’ll also explore the cultural differences that came up during the show’s European tour. Here’s a bit more now of our interview. 

Thomas: I have a question   I'd love to switch gears and ask you, which is, if there are any, what are some of the uniquely Ukrainian elements in the show?

Zievakova: Sure, there are a couple. So you can see on the poster, there's a hand and there is a little embroidery on it and this is actually what we do during this show. Jasmine is painting my hand. And this painting is supposed to symbolize this embroidery that is traditional to Ukraine, that is usually put on the shirts and people are wearing it on special occasions on holidays. But lately since our… you know nationality, and our survival is crucial for us, a lot of people just wear it everyday and it has become a fashion trend to incorporate those embroidery into, I don't know, hoodies and t-shirts and whatever, just regular clothes, which I found cool. I own couple of those. [LAUGHS] But yeah, for us, it's like… it's also you know, kind of symbolic that she does it on my wrist where there is… there are veins and it also feels like you know it's in my blood, in your blood. And it also kind of transcends and connects both the nationality aspect of it and cultural Ukrainian aspect of it with the broader or much deeper sense of… because she does it you… also before the really strong emotional moment in the performance and it feels like initiation as well. And it also the lights turns red and the Ukrainian song that starts at the moment, the first words of the song says крові, which means blood, give me blood. And yeah, this is one of them. And also while the song is in Ukrainian and there are a couple of moments when Jasmine's character speaks Ukrainian and they are kind of you know, spells somehow, even though it's not supposed to be, but they fit and they sound… and I guess they were more of like a prayer more of like this, half pagan, half Christian which is very broadly how our culture is based on there are both pagan elements and Christian elements. She's also whispering it so it sounds like this healing spell in some way. And the fun fact is that, well, the book itself, the Daughter, it's rather rough, rather, you know, masculine energy book about the start of the war actually in 2014 in Donbas, and the main character is a woman who becomes a volunteer for the armed forces. And the… what surprised us a lot is this excerpt that we have you know, of this kind of magical stuff are from there so, she… in the hardest moments of her life, she does address these powers that are you know… The last monologue of the performance is that… “the truth is on your side, your kith and kin are on your side, the dead or on your side and the unborn too” So there's this you know, tribal almost power that we possess and if you access it, there is nothing that in the world that can beat you. And this is kind of one of the important messages that we incorporate it into performance. And we wanted to pass it along as much as possible to men, women. It doesn't matter in this case, to humans. And to give this extra support whenever it's needed.

Thomas: Do you know if any of the survivors that you worked with, when you were first in the field have gotten to see the performance?

Zievakova: Not that I'm aware of. But you know, the horrifying and at the same time, very important fact is that, after every performance survivors come to us and tell us that thank you so much for telling the story in such a way. I felt seen, I felt heard, I felt that I'm not alone. And they felt like there is a way out. Or they're… Women come at different stages of going through their own trauma and some come saying that, “I'm so glad that I am at the end of the journey now. I came through all this way and you have shown it to me, how I have done it actually, and now I can realize it,” or there are women who are just at the beginning. And it's usually tough for them seeing the show, but at the same time, it does give this, you know, small push of hope, if I can call it this way, that at least you're not alone and at least there are people around who are ready to help and ready to be there for you.

Thomas: Yeah, and I would imagine people who can step into it, who are stepping into it on stage who are representing it, who are… who are not afraid of it, who are not frozen by it, who have movement within it, all of those pieces.

Zievakova: And not only movement within it, but it's a validation of absolutely different states of it of this nonlinear process. And people usually again, at least in Ukraine, of what I can see, or what I can judge, people are afraid to show you know, quote unquote, negative emotions, to show aggression, grief, struggle... You always have to… as if you always have to put a mask and pretend that, “Everything is fine, I'm just going through it, I'm not going to address it, I'm shoveling it under the carpet.” And that's what I personally find very important in the show is that any of the states is fine and okay… and any one of us can be in the state and we can still be us and we can be beautiful in that. And that is one of the, I guess, greatest and most important lessons I have learned on my personal journey and what I find crucial to share in anything I do.

Thomas: Absolutely. And did you go through any rites of passage, as… personally or professionally as you've been working with the show?

Zievakova: I guess for me it also is kind of a special closure of my own experience with violence. And it has been such a special way to address it through art. And I'm so lucky to have this instrument that I have to transform the pain into art. And I guess that would be it because one of the monologues is written by me in the show and I find it very special to have this privilege and opportunity to share it and to… to feel how it resonates with others which also has been absolutely opening. And again, whenever we talk about violence and survivors and there is a lot of shame, hence we are in Shame Piñata podcast. It was so important for me to share what I feel and thus to, again to validate, to show that there is no place for shame in such deep experiences. 

[MUSIC]

Thomas: So what did we not touch on that you think it’s important to mention?

Zievakova: I guess I would like to mention the difference in perception because it's kind of curious with the different countries. It's interesting that whenever we perform it in Ukraine, people tend to laugh more easily, because there are a couple of… you know, relieving, funny moments, improvisation moments in the show. And for us, it also was crucial to include something like that so the show does not feel too overwhelming and too hard to process. And well, there are some specific cultural codes. Coming back to the question of the you know, specific Ukrainian references, there is a monologue about food and there is a mention of borsch which is a traditional Ukrainian dish and people here usually tend to react on it because they know very well what it is about. And yeah… And in general, it's so curious as just, you know, anthropological, sociological observation whenever we were going through and touring through countries, especially at the very beginning, somewhere in the summer of 2022, autumn… people were so afraid to laugh, because… I also find it fascinating, because, again, whenever we're talking about harsh topics, like trauma, violence, grief, it's also as far as I can observe, those topics are not super easy to address. And it is such a joy when people do laugh, when even though you know, the contexts or cultural contexts are different, but some things are universally, you know, funny, and we can share that and laugh it out together. And that has been great because, for us, it is crucial not to be perceived only as a victim, you know, we are suffering and we're being attacked, but also, as you know, strong, courageous humans. And a nation that you know, can fight back and sometimes to laugh it out is a way to resist, is a way to fight back. So now it has been really cool to see. And in general, it's interesting that again, when we were just starting it in Kyiv, and whenever we perform in here… it depends, of course, but usually the audience would be more tense than in countries abroad, especially during the you know, harsh moments,  during the rather dramatic moments of the show. And in the contrast, whenever we are in the countries of the European Union or the countries of the Northern Europe, they tend to be… well, they do acknowledge that dramaticness of the moment or the harshness, but they seem to, to have a more… more adjusted way to talk about it. So it feels okay to bring up these topics and to discuss them even though it's not easy. And even we have a very contrast and vivid example in Sweden. We were in Stockholm this September. And we had two shows, one with Ukrainian audience because we have been hosted by a Ukrainian organization and they have brought a lot of their guys just to, you know, attend the show. And the second show was mostly Swedish audience or international audience that attendance on the festival. And you can… you can feel the energy the difference and well, it is long journey and we are happy to contribute in any way we can to to make shifts in that regard.

Thomas: So could you say more about what was the difference between those two performances from the audience?

Zievakova: So again, with Ukrainian audience here or there… especially there… the Ukrainian refugees or people who have moved even prior to full scale invasion, they, they feel more tense because there is this survivor's guilt, there is this desire to help, but at the same time being far away and being in the safety also that is a huge contributor of guilt and of this survivor's guilt. And, you know, people tend to… what I have noticed personally, tend to perceive the news, even more serious or to over-work themselves on the volunteer field more, because they feel that they need to, you know, over-capacitate themselves in order to… to contribute. And it's interesting that on the contrary, people in Ukraine, whenever I don't know the… we have a missile attack or something happens, we tend to perceive it lightly because it, first of all, it is already engraved and incorporated into our routine, our reality. But at the same time, we need to, otherwise we won't be able to handle it every time. And it's interesting that the same happens with for example, with us and with people who are on the front line, we tend to perceive what is happening there, of course, differently than the people who are in action. And that's why I guess also the humor is… sometimes very dark one… is born. And yeah, it's an interesting, also, contrast and difference.

Thomas: I appreciate you saying that. It's like the layers of how close we are to a tragedy or to a very hard experience. And I think I see myself in the survivor's guilt piece, even though I'm not a Ukrainian refugee. But, I think I recognize myself in there somehow.

Zievakova: And that's why I think it's so… it's super important to talk about it and to raise it and to just to make sure that we all have our role and the be… the distance from the epicenter of advance has no difference in impact. It all is, you know, one of my favorite metaphors is that we all are drops of the ocean. And each one each of these drops is crucial for the ocean to function.

Thomas: Yes, well said. Wow. Well, I'm so grateful to have had this time to talk to you and to get to… get to share you with the word, with… with my little corner of the world.

Zievakova: Thank you so much. It is absolutely incredible and exciting to be a part of the show.

You don’t have to go to the basement of ProEnglish Theatre of Ukraine to see Blooming, and you don’t need to wait until it comes to your town on tour. You can see it online right now. Find the link in the show notes. Thank you for joining us for this important conversation today. I’ll leave you with pretty much the only thing I can think to say… Слава Україні.

Alina Zievakova is a film and theatre actress and acting coach from Ukraine. She premiered as a female lead in the film "Rhino" at the Venice Film Festival. However, since the February 24, 2022 russian full-scale war in Ukraine, she has been acting in socially-relevant theatre pieces and creating stress-relief workshops.  

Our music is by Terry Hughes. Find us on YouTube, IG and X at shamepinata. And subscribe to the show on your favorite player. Also be sure to check out our new 10-part series 10 Minutes for Your Heart, Meditations for Ukrainians. Find it a 10minutesforyourheart.com. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

P.S. Get up to 2 months of free podcasting service with Libsyn. Check out the show notes for your promo code to get started podcasting today.

S5 E3 Blooming Amidst the War - Pt 1 (Alina Zievakova)

Episode Summary

Imagine having a silent witness, a partner who is with you all the time, even when you go through the hardest moments of your life. Imagine not being alone but instead being held, accompanied, supported. What might that feel like in your heart, in your body, in your bones? (This is part 1 of a 2-part interview with Alina Zievakova of ProEnglish Theatre of Ukraine.)

Episode Resources

→ Blooming - Watch the Performance (47:49)
https://www.scenesaver.co.uk/production/bloom-in-violence/
(Registration is free and only takes a few minutes)

→ Part 2 of This Interview: https://ever-changing.net/episodes/s5-e4-blooming-amidst-the-war-pt-2

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

---

Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

---

---

Full Transcript

Zievakova: This character is always there, is always ready to support or to connect or to offer a different way. And we believe that is one of the most important messages in the whole performance, is that even when you're alone, you are not. 

Imagine having a silent witness, a partner who is with you all the time, even when you go through the hardest moments of your life. Imagine not being alone but instead being held, accompanied, supported. What might that feel like in your heart, in your body, in your bones?

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. Today we have a treat for you. Today we are joined by Alina Zievakova, a film and theatre actress and acting coach. Alina will be speaking with us about her work with ProEnglish Theatre of Ukraine, an independent, English-Speaking, safe theatre in Kyiv - safe because it is located in the basement where there is more protection from russian missiles and drones. 

Alina is here to speak with us about the war, but in a very hopeful way. She will be walking us through the experience of birthing a unique theater production called Blooming. Blooming is a powerful work that traces the path of healing after violence, finding the way back home to self after trauma. It’s an important work that I’ve had the honor to watch - and you can too.

This is the first of two episodes where Alina will be with us. Today she will take us behind the scenes as the three female creators connected with their intuition to organically allow Blooming to come to life. We will learn how the piece has grown and changed over time. And we will explore the fundamental rites of passage we see happen in the show. We’ll go now to my interview with Alina, which got off to a bumpy start when I realized I had neglected to press the record button.

Thomas: So it is amazing to get to have an hour with you!

Zievakova: Likewise.

Thomas: And I… I've really been wanting to know more about this performance. When I watched it, I was touched by how many layers and depth it had, how many colors, how many textures, how much truth…. It just really blew me away and I'm curious, how did it come to be in the world?

Zievakova: Thank you so much for your perception, which is so deep and soulful rich. And yes, it would be a pleasure for me to share. So the show is called Blooming and originally it actually was called Bloom In Violence, but we will get to the point where we decided to change the name. And it is created by three women, which is Anabell Ramirez, who is the director of the show, Jasmine Sotelo, who is my partner on stage (she's a choreographer and dancer), and myself. So we have been together as colleagues in a place that is called ProEnglish Theatre that is situated in a basement in Kyiv. And this is where we… well, we… me and and Anabell and my other colleagues ended up being, starting from the 24th of February of 2022, to the beginning of the full-scale invasion of russian federation to Ukraine. And both me and Anabell started doing whatever we can volunteering and subsequently working as fixers - which is a kind of a field producer who is accompanying foreign journalists. And we have been going to different locations to document war crimes, and one of them being the violence and specifically gender-based violence. And we've felt both of us very strongly that there is something we should do with all of this knowledge with all these stories that women have shared with us. And we have been exploring different options, but at the end of the day, without like, theater being our main thing in life is the strongest instrument we have. So we decided to create a performance about it.

Thomas: Wow, that is incredibly powerful. And in a strange way, it kind of mirrors, in a tiny way what I was doing, which was watching things from here and being especially drawn to stories of gender-based violence, and then figuring out what is my strongest thing? That's how that one meditation series, Everyday Magic for Ukraine, came to be. Because it seems in some respects, like, “How could this possibly help?” But then “Well, this is my thing. This is where I resonate. This is where I shine. This is what I can do.”

Zievakova: Absolutely. And thank you so much for those projects. They're incredible. 

Thomas: Thank you. So can you tell us more about the creation process?

Zievakova: Sure. [LAUGHS] It's a bit non-traditional, I would say, since we are, all three of us are non-traditional. First of all, it happened so that both Anabell’s direction in her art and my direction in my art coincided in desire to step out from the traditional theater of the classical way of seeing things. And Jasmine being the choreographer and the… her language is body… also fit perfectly into our trio. So yeah, we… Our first meeting was just a conversation where we pretty much decided what is the most important message that we would like to convey… or messages… through the performance. And here comes the non-traditional no thing. So this might sound silly, and unfortunately, in the… at least in Ukraine, what I'm seeing… the notion of tarot cards is very stigmatized and very… is associated with something… fraud, or something icky. Whereas we see a lot of archetypical and depth and knowledge in that, therefore, we picked up a deck of tarot cards. And we decided to kind of lay a passage, a journey, through which the main characters go throughout this performance, exploring different emotions in different states of a person who has experienced violence. And it gave us the… also broader and deeper understanding of things that we can include into each of those steps. 

Thomas: Wow.

Zievakova: Yeah, and interesting that when we started, we didn't have any text. So we went absolutely intuitively out of what we have felt, and we started creating a lot of physical aspects of the performance. Because as you can see, if you watch it, it is a lot of visual aspects of this performance. So it is lights and blocking and physical work of our bodies. And only then when you know, there was a fertile soil of that base that we have laid this way. We started picking the texts that naturally flew into this already created flow, which has been the text from a book called “Daughter” from Tamara Horicha Zernia who is a Ukrainian writer, and also personal testimonies.

Thomas: So it started with the body and the intuition. 

Zievakova: Yeah. 

Thomas: Yeah, it has such a strong, embodied feel. It kind of feels like since there are so few words... that it opens it up so that each of us can experience it in our own way, even more than if they were words. Does that make sense? 

Zievakova: Yes, absolutely, absolutely! It gives more metaphorical meanings that can be interpreted by everyone. Therefore, that is what's crucial for us that even though it is a show created by women, based on a book written by woman, it's still for us, it isn't important that it's universal. It is for anyone who has gone through trauma or through violence. And that is, luckily, what we have managed to achieve according to the feedback that we have gotten through different audiences.

So now you have a sense of how the show came to life. But that was only the beginning, only the beginning of a true journey. 

Zievakova: It was born in Kyiv. We performed it in June of 2022 and then it started its journey abroad, since we have been traveling and touring with it throughout different countries. So we've been to Italy, Poland, Denmark, Sweden with it, and we continue to plan. So our next stop will be Prague good this spring and… Well, first of all, we changed the name, the name was Bloom in Violence at the beginning, because again, the atmosphere in which we created, it was absolutely different than the atmosphere is, is now in Ukraine, for example. And the violence, the level of it in the air was visceral. You could feel it, you could touch it almost. And that's why it was so crucial for us to put a balancing aspect to even it out, to give a passage, to give an opportunity for people who have gone through such a horrible experience in their life to at least have a notion that there is a way. And it is absolutely individual for everyone, but here we are with some options for you. And therefore Blooming it was you know, this almost as heart-beating word to, to balance it out. But then as the time passed, and the atmosphere here changes drastically, atmosphere when you traveled changes and affects your perception. And therefore, after our tour to Denmark, when we came back, we decided that how the show was developing… Because it also it is, you know, it is an entity of itself. It grows with us, it develops with us, and we trust it, we listen to it. And therefore, it felt like violence has no place even in the name of the show, therefore, we left only Blooming.

Thomas: That's, that's so wonderful that you're letting it be a being and growing and breathing and telling you how it's changing. That's beautiful. How has it been for you… How many performances have you had? And how has it been for you as you've gone through all of those, like, the trajectory?

Zievakova: I think we had around 16. It's been different every time. It also… every time since it's a live performance, a theater performance, it depends on the audience, because they also are co creators with us. And at some point in the beginning, that's also something that has changed. We have been incorporating audience members at the end. We are inviting them on the stage and we are offering them crowns and flowers as this common ritual that we share as… as they are also characters of the show equally as me and Jasmine. And recently, we've also changed it, this summer. Because it also felt that even though it was a very powerful moment, and again at the moment it felt right. But recently we have discovered that we don't need even to bring people to the stage. We are entering the audience and we are sitting with them and giving them flowers and just sharing the space, you know? So, there is no pressure for people even in that regard to come out of the stage, because it also can be stressful and people usually are, you know, not so comfortable on the stage in general. So that is something that we have applied as well.

Thomas: Wow. Have there been any moments that you can share that have been especially powerful with relating to the audience?

Zievakova: Definitely. Well, there is another important aspect to mention before I go there. So usually we don't only perform this show, but we combine it as experience with a workshop that we're bringing. And the workshop is called RAW. It's abbreviation for Relief Acting Workshop, it's a workshop that I have created. Again, starting from the full-scale invasion. It's basically a training based on breathing techniques, meditation techniques, acting techniques, body movement techniques that we are… we have been offering in ProEnglish since the spring of 2022. And it is targeted to offer people the place to breathe out, to relief in any way that connects to them personally. And we have been cooperating with different organizations to offer and target it to different groups. For example, displaced people, refugees, military, cadets, military students, veterans, women, men, and family members of people whose husbands or brothers or sisters or mothers are in the military, in the service. So we usually, especially when we travel, but here as well in Kyiv, we have it as a workshop, first two hours. And after the workshops, it's like, final touch is the performance. So the person has, you know, this journey of their own as well. And it feels more personal for them. And when we were doing this in Poland, in one of the cities because we had a tour, there was a woman who's actually Ukrainian, she… she's a refugee there. And she came, and she attended the workshop. And then she attended the performance. And she approached us and she said that this event changed her life. And she… she said that, even though it sounds very, you know, fundamental and maybe too loud, but at the same time, she felt like it was something crucial that she needed to, to grasp in order to go on with her life. And, you know, stories like that - at least one story like that makes you sure that what you do is needed, is crucial to share. Especially in in this kind of way through art, when it is applicable, let's say to different people.

Thomas: That's wonderful that she was able… that she felt comfortable enough to tell you that because there may be people who felt that way who didn't actually tell you, right?

Zievakova: Right. Right

Thomas: Wow. And I didn't know you were doing it at the end of the workshop. That really paints a different picture for me, because I know how powerful it can be to get people together out of their regular routine, more into their bodies than normal, creating community… Being in bodies in a community in a safe place, can really open people up, bring a sense of safety that allow the hearts to open and then to have something once that space has been created… at the end of that it… I know it can be very, very powerful. So that's amazing.

Zievakova: Thank you. Yeah, definitely it makes all the difference in the world.

Thomas: Yeah. Have you ever done the show without the workshop?

Zievakova: Yes, we have. Because we adjust to circumstances and especially when we travel, we are not always able to control everything how it goes. So in some venues were not able… or some venues are not suited for workshops. So then we just have it also after the show, it is mandatory for us to have a discussion. So people who want to leave can leave and again, you know, digest and process in… on their own but people who want to share, there is this opportunity of creating the community in a discussion in Q&A in still an exchange you know, so there is a closure.

Thomas: Yes. Yes. That's wonderful. That's… that's really important too, right? Because there's an opening of the heart watching… I wish I had had that. Although I suppose I'm having it now with you. To get to, sort of, process everything that came up because it is such a heart-opening experience watching it.

[MUSIC]

Thomas: I want to go back for a second to when you said you're working with the tarot cards, just… I'm just curious. When you were working with them, were you like, looking through the tarot cards and kind of picking the ones that felt right that matched the journey you were thinking might be there? Or were you letting them fall out of the deck? Or did you reading? Or how did you interact with them?

Zievakova: I love that we're talking about this, thank you so much. I really want, to you know, to give honor to this and to be on that side that protects it protects its true meaning. So we chose, we took out the higher arcanes and we only worked with those. And kind of… we took turns each one of us out of three, to… having them all in front of us pick… seeing them, pick the ones that resonate the most when we talk about this performance. And we kind of, each one of us, built their own picture out of this higher arcanes. And we discussed again, then comparing all three and kind of combining them into one common passage, we decided what are the most strong ones that speak to us that we can use whenever addressing each element of the performance or each stage of the performance.

Thomas: Wow, that's so cool. I'm seeing the three of you now and then there's that powerful symbolism of the three women doing this work, right?

Zievakova: Yeah, definitely. Definitely. 

Isn’t that cool? I mean, that’s my type of theater production. Where intuition and archetypes are welcome. Where the story evolves on its own through deep listening and collaboration. I don’t want to give too much away about the performance before you’ve had a chance to see it,  but I will tell you that in Blooming, we see a woman going on a journey that has many phases and many colors. She often has a silent companion with her who has a bit of an ethereal quality. As Alina said, most of the content is delivered through movement and sound, and music and lighting. There are very few words, which allows the actions to become even more noticeable. One scene that stood out for me was when this mysterious companion took out a tube of red lipstick and began drawing symbols on the wrist of the main character. 

Thomas: Since Shame Piñata is all about rites of passage, I have to ask you a little bit more about rites of passage, I felt like that part where she was drawing those symbols on the arm of your character, that that really resonated for me as a beautiful rite of passage. And one that was… just felt like a rite of passage for me to get to watch it, right? That's the way theater can be. And… were there other aspects of the show that were a rite of passage that I might have missed?

Zievakova: Well, I guess it has several of them, because we do explore a whole journey. So we start when the main character is, you know, in this very light and infantile stage of her life, when everything is …light, yeah, I guess that would be the most appropriate word for it. But then whenever circumstances change, or events enter her life, she adjusts. But at the same time, there is the second character, the one that Jasmine plays who represents for us, well, it can represent so many things. And that's why we prefer not to give it a specific name. It can be nature, it can be intuition, it can be something that we cannot name, something present… presence. And this character is always there, is always ready to support or to connect, or to offer a different way. And we believe that is one of the most important messages in the whole performance is that even when you're alone, you are not. There is some so much in that second character again, who at the same time represents the Ancestors and the whole crowd of people being in one. And that's why she does the initiation. That's why she draws on my hand and on my eyes, and she shows me the way. She also interacts with the audience and, you know…in regards of rites of passage, that is what felt right to us at the moment of this unity in one. 

Thomas: Yeah, and I love that description of her. I was trying to decide - who is she? At first I was waiting for her to speak. I thought she was just a person who was with you. She's also in the role of the witness, right? Which is such a sacred thing…

Zievakova: Absolutely. Yes, and you're right in. That's how… that's why that's why it's so up to interpretation. And in some moments of the performance, she does represent another person in the room with me. And she is a witness, which is such a precise word that you have chosen because that's what we were doing. We were witnessing other stories at the beginning in spring of 2022, and it was very important for us to give them proper dignity and proper way and rite of passage, actually, to transform it to, transcend it above of the physical reality.

Thomas: Yeah. So how can people see the show?

Zievakova: There is a website, a platform that is called Scenesaver, and you can register, it's absolutely free and it takes just a couple of minutes. And you can watch this show and many, many other shows. It's a great platform that offers a online theater experience. And also, we are touring. So maybe at some point, we'll end up in the US, hopefully. And yeah, we are looking forward every time to a new location, since the experience is different, the cultural differences, in fact the perception of the show, and it is also very valuable this international experience.

Alina will be back with us next time to explore the cultural differences the team noticed as they took Blooming on tour throughout Europe, to highlight some of the uniquely Ukrainian symbolism within the show, and to share some of the feedback the team received from survivors who attended.

In the meantime, I highly encourage you to check out the performance linked in the show notes and consider supporting the Relief Acting Workshops for the National Guard of Ukraine. These Relief Acting Workshops are ongoing so you can support them no matter when you are listening to this episode.

Alina Zievakova is a film and theatre actress and acting coach from Ukraine. Before February 24th 2022, she was dedicated to a career on the screen, premiering as a female lead in the film "Rhino" at the Venice Film Festival. However, during the russian full-scale war in Ukraine, she has mainly been acting in socially-relevant theatre pieces and adapting her acting coaching for stress-relief workshops. 

Our music is by Terry Hughes. Find us on YouTube, IG and X at shamepinata. Reach us through our website, shamepinata.com. And subscribe to the show on your favorite player. Also be sure to check out our new 10-part series 10 Minutes for Your Heart, Meditations for Ukrainians. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

P.S. Get up to 2 months of free podcasting service with Libsyn. Check out the show notes for your promo code to get started podcasting today.

S4 E9 Embracing Shame (Sheila Rubin)

Episode Summary

What happens when shame stops us in our tracks? When we find ourselves in freeze mode and realize that it’s actually shame that’s holding us there? How do we break the spell and move through that paralysis - and what if there is a way to release that shame back to wherever it came from?

Episode Resources

→ Sheila Rubin: https://www.sheilarubin.com

→ The Center for Healing Shame: https://healingshame.com

→ New Book: Embracing Shame: How to Stop Resisting Shame and Turn It Into a Powerful Ally: https://healingshame.com/embracing-shame

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

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Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

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Full Transcript

Rubin: In your family of origin, where are you to deal with the shame in this lifetime? And we have processes for giving it back, up the family tree, transforming it, taking the dignity, taking the creativity, taking the life-force back in processes.

What happens when shame stops us in our tracks? When we find ourselves in freeze mode and realize that it’s actually shame that’s holding us there? How do we break the spell and move through that paralysis and what if there is a way to release that shame back to wherever it came from?

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. Today we’re going to talk about the “s-word” as our guest calls it. We’re going to look at shame. We’re going to consider shame. We’re maybe going to consider what it might look like to embrace shame. But before we meet our guest, I want to tell you a story. I’m going to tell you the story of how a podcast about the healing power of ritual came to be called Shame Piñata. 

Several years ago, I was facing a big transition and dragging my feet about it. I had been at a job for 14 years and the Universe was telling me it was time to switch things up, but I didn’t want to go. Over time, I got kind of mired down in feeling ashamed that I wasn’t brave enough to make that change, and honestly kind of not able to make that change because I was kind of trying to find a new job but it wasn’t working. I began to feel worse and worse over time till I reached a pretty dark place. But then I reached out for help. I started gathering resources, and surrounding myself with people who could help me heal, and I was introduced to the concept of shame exposure - which basically means telling other people, safe people, about the shame I was feeling. I knew right away when I learned about shame exposure that I needed to do it and it needed to be a ceremony.

So I started planning, brainstorming, heart-storming, journaling, talking with a close friend, feeling into exactly what needed to move and how I wanted to invite my community to be there with me while it moved. So this is what happened. 

In preparation for the ceremony, I gathered up all of the swag t-shirts I had gotten at my former job and journaled out my shame on each one of them with a ballpoint pen. I wrote one shame topic on each shirt, long-form, journal style, confessing how awful that one part of the story was for me and how horrible I felt about it inside. I did that until it was all out on the shirts, out of my body and onto the fabric. That was extremely important. Then I made a list of all of the negative self-talk pinging around inside my head and I pasted those words all over a cute little piñata. Sorry, piñata! And thank you for holding it.

When my friends and I gathered, just a small group, just my inner circle, my safest place to share such hard feelings, I took each shirt out and read out loud what I had written on it. And then one by one, I put the shirts on. Each time I put on a shirt, I felt worse. I think I had 6 or 7 shirts total and at least one sweatshirt, so it was a lot by the time I had read everything out loud and put everything on - by the time I had symbolically donned all of that shame. My friends were compassionate. My friends stayed with me and witnessed my shame. 

Then I moved across the room and faced that shame piñata, almost mocking me with those harsh judgements pasted on every side and I picked up the stick. But I didn’t want to hit the piñata. I wanted to fall through the floor and let the earth swallow me up. I had no will or desire to fight back, to reclaim anything. I just wanted to give in. So I waited. And we waited. And after quite some time, I began to hear a small voice inside me saying, “No”. It was so quiet. But it began to grow louder. “No.” And it grew and grew until it filled me and flowed into my arms, and pretty soon that piñata was no more. I took a pair of scissors and cut a small notch into the top of each shirt so I could easily rip it off until the floor was covered in piñata, candy, and fabric covered in my words. And we danced and we celebrated. 

And then I went out on the porch and poured a huge bowl of marigold water over myself to release that old energy. And after drying off, we sat down together and we had an amazing brainstorm session of what kind of work did I really want to do in the world? What was my mission? What did I have to offer? And, this is going to sound cliché, but I got not one but two job offers in the coming weeks, which helped me actually skate out of that old situation and into my next chapter. And what was different between before and after the ritual? I was. I was finally ready to move on. 

And it was on a lunchtime walk with a colleague at that new job that the title Shame Piñata came into consideration for this new project, a show about the transformative power of ritual and how inviting the important people in our lives to witness our transformations can be extremely profound. And I’d like to take a moment now to thank you for witnessing this story and spending a few minutes considering how embracing shame might help us heal. 

We’re going to continue considering shame now but switch gears a bit and hear from a different voice. We’re going to meet Sheila Rubin, who has been teaching about shame for 30 years. Sheila is a Marriage and Family Therapist and a drama therapist. And she co-directs The Center for Healing Shame with her husband Bret Lyon. They have a new book coming out on October 17 called “Embracing Shame: How to Stop Resisting Shame and Turn It Into a Powerful Ally”. 

Sheila and I spoke recently about many aspects of her work. Our conversation began with her early experiences of shame and then moved into a discussion of the book. Here was was my first question:

Thomas: Sheila, how did you come to work with shame?

Rubin: It's my favorite question. [LAUGHS] I was a curious child and I was a very shy child. And I decided that it was my job, not just to save my family, but it was my job to kind of like, secretly keep a journal of all of the times when somebody was, you know, kind of had their esteem up and their eyes down. And I was just noticing all the variations of, you know, shyness and discomfort, and, you know, what it was like to be a shy child. And I started keeping track of that when I was probably five years old. So I didn't know that it was shame. I just… I knew that it was an exploration of, maybe there's something wrong with me and if I could just figure everything out, I'll figure out what it is.” And then I'll be right. In the meantime, I thought, “Well, somebody must be interested in this. And probably I'll keep these notes and maybe someday when I grow up, I’ll write a book about it, because this is not anything that anybody talked about. So that is how I started getting interested in shame.

Thomas: Wow, that's fascinating that you knew at a very young age that you wanted to write a book about this thing and now you're publishing that book.

Rubin: It's amazing. Go figure. [LAUGHS] 

Thomas: How does your inner child feel now that you are about to publish the book?

Rubin: She is so blown away. Because I have an inner child who's five who has been stomping her feet for a couple years, and going, “When’s it happening?” I did a couple performances, like about my mother and my family and you know, what it was like to survive kind of like an interesting family situation. And that was helpful for a while, but you know, she’s been stomping her feet, she started stomping her feet… it’s the inner teenager, that center, stomping her feet about two or three years ago, just like, they're both so excited, because of like, the book is not just for therapists, it's for everybody. And it's for people to kind of read and kind of understand that shame can actually be a friend. And shame can actually navigate things and shame can actually be helpful. And shame can actually be something that a person might want to embrace. And it's kind of amazing to say this, because my inner child was like, “You know, you don't say the S word. It's gonna embarrass people!” I know, there's all these words to say, but not one. But now I'm an adult and I can say the big s-word, which is shame. Because when you say shame, people go into shame. 

Thomas: Yeah, that's, that's good... Wow, I hadn't. I hadn't realized that, but you're totally right. It is that powerful that we hear it, and instantly…

Rubin: That’s why I'm putting my hand on my heart and I'm like… it really touches me that you have this shame podcast and your shame piñata. And it's like, you've figured out ways of working with your shame. And so it's like, my inner child… I mean, I'm a trauma therapist, and I'm a regular therapist, and my inner child navigates a lot of the time and she lets me know if it’s safe or if I need to come back another time or, you know, it's like, when can I bring up this question. When can I not bring up this question. And so it's like, there's, there's a tenderness that I hear in your questions and there’s a curiosity that I hear in your questions. It’s nice.

I asked Sheila a bit more about the new book and learned it actively works with the concept of counter-shaming. This is something I actually hadn’t heard of before. 

Rubin: We normalize shame. We say the book is a no mistake zone. You open the book and it's a no mistake zone. All the pages talk about all the theories of shame, all the different ways that we've learned to work with shame. All the ways of counter shaming are different because everybody's so different. Each chapter has exercises so people go through each chapter and they can answer the exercises that are there. They can write them down. There's meditation techniques. There's an origami bird technique. There's Tai Chi techniques, how to work with the energy in the hands to counter-shame while a person is reading the book. My inner child was with me as I was writing the book and Bret and I co-wrote that book. It is such a powerful book, because if it was just, if it was just my voice, or if it was just his voice, it would be missing something. 

As part of her own work, Sheila offers Embodied Life Story Workshops which explore personal narrative through improvisation, playfulness, and sacred witnessing. As part of their work through the Center for Healing Shame, Sheila and Bret together offer workshops focused specifically on healing shame. 

Rubin: You know, we teach people in the Life Stories, we do some tools and then we do witnessing and having a person's true self witness story and performance. And then it might be something that they never told anybody or it might be kind of like a realization that they're a creative person or realization that they're… whatever it is they discover about themselves in the group, it’s just kind of a beautiful process to be witnessed and kind of have that… Common in drama therapy, we have, like a self-revelatory performance that somebody does and drama therapy is their capstone project. And then the healing shame. You know, there's a curriculum. We do a different 10 week… every week… every month, there's a different workshop. There is one on shame and women, there's women on shame and men, there's a one on eating disorders, there's one, you know, empathy and how to show up for people but it's like, of all the different things means we're showing shows up, we have a different workshop each month. And each group that somebody takes, there's this deeper realization of, Ooh, not only was there nothing wrong with them, but they actually had some really good ideas in their family. And they actually had some really good things, ways that they weren't able to speak about, but in the group, were able to speak about it. And so that is life- transforming for people to go through that. 

Thomas: Wow. 

Thomas: Do you do specific work with your clients or in your workshops around healing, healing the ancestral line or ancestral trauma?

Rubin: Yeah, I love your questions. Yeah. In the Life Stories, it's all about healing ancestral line. But there's levels and levels of complexity. So we heal the ancestral line, and then it's like, not enough to one, sometimes people come back for another 10 weeks, and they do another line. And, you know, and then they go back to the grandparents on this side, and the parent is on that side and often there's been a war or, you know, genocide, or, you know, something happened along the family line, that sometimes people don't even know about, but there it is. And it shows up in the processes. And we you do process too, we do ritual at that point to honor the people what we can't even imagine they went through and then we give the shame back - not to them to whatever was oppressing them or darkening their light - and then we take the person's pride and we take the person's energy hands like okay, well now that you've done that ancestral healing now what you want to do in your life?

Thomas: Wow. 

[MUSIC] 

I asked Sheila if there was a specific practice she recommended for releasing shame and she shared a deceptively simple process with me of flicking a hair band across the room. 

Rubin: I work deeply, deeply, deeply. But if I want to have a quick healing shame it’s like… this is like a hair band. It's kind of a stretchy hair band. And I want to just kind of say… if I want to give that shame back to where it came from, I could just go, “ding!” and it just goes and it’s gone. I could bring it back again or 10 times but each time I could let it go. And each time, we are a little bit stronger, a little bit clearer, a little bit creativity…, a little bit more of our true voice comes out. And the ritual of that is what makes it work in the imaginal realm, work in the heart realm, and work in kind of this somatic imaginal you know what you is thinking… what is feeling? What is in that place between both? What is more powerful than both is the imaginal realm? Let it go. And then see what comes up and let that go again. And it can shift. Working with physical objects… it's like right there. We're in the imaginal realm. We're in, we're in the imaginal realm.  We're in the symbolic realm. We're in the dream world. You know, when I have people do the live stories workshop, we are using physical objects to help the client or the, you know, the person who takes the workshop, use a physical… a physical object to represent something that has not been able to be named, or has not been able to be talked about, or that has not been able to be grokked at this time, in this place. It gives it a power and it gives it a deep knowing. Iit allows our body and our mind all the different parts of us to wake up and go, “Wow, something's happening here!” And, you know, we're talking so much about shame, and I missed the most important thing. We have resilience. Brene Brown talks about getting people to resilience, and we have pride. In every moment, people are moving from pride or shame, or resilience or shame. It's wired in our nervous systems, I help people figure the way between pride and shame in the moment… To be able to know that there’s shame and to be able to say, “This is a no mistake zone” and to be countershaming. And many of the objects around me are counter-shaming objects. 

Toward the end of our interview, Sheila held up a beautiful greeting card with an image of two fish swimming in a circle. 

Rubin: This is one of my favorite, you know, these are the two fish. [LAUGHS] And it’s like, whenever Bret gets grumpy, or we have a little dynamic or something, you know, I look at these two fish. And it's like, it's two fish and they're so different. They look the same. They're both orange, but they're so different. And they're going round and round in this beautiful little card. And that just reminds me of the whole point of the life is not to pass, but to enjoy the moment and notice, where I might be stuck for my clients or students might be stuck and then say, “Okay, is there something artful I could do with that?” 

Thomas: Well, thank you so much. This has been a joy and an honor to speak with you today.

Rubin: I'm so happy and touched by your questions, really, really, really good.

To learn more about Sheila’s work and the work of The Center for Healing Shame, check the links in the show notes. If you would like to read a free excerpt of and pre-order Sheila and Bret’s new book you’ll find a link for that as well. As a reminder, it’s called “Embracing Shame: How to Stop Resisting Shame and Turn It Into a Powerful Ally”. 

I want to thank you so much for joining us for today’s topic. Shame is never an easy thing to talk about. But as Sheila and Bret note so aptly in the book, “Once we embrace shame, it loses much of its power over us.”

Sheila Rubin is a marriage and family therapist, a registered drama therapist, and Co-Director/ Co-Founder for the Center for Healing Shame. She has a 6-hour audio series called “Healing Shame” by Sounds True with Bret Lyon and their new book "Embracing Shame" will be out on October 17.

Our music is by Terry Hughes. Find us on IG, YouTube, and X at shamepinata. Reach us through our website, shamepinata.com. And subscribe to the show on your favorite player. Also be sure to check out our second show, Daily Magic for Peace, supporting you as you support Ukraine. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S4 E7 Discomfort As Ally (Irisanya Moon)

Episode Summary

We love to be in control. We love to know what’s going to happen, how long it will last, and what effects it will have on us. But what if, like a tree in the wind, flexibility and surrender are our greatest tools? What if discomfort can be our friend?

Episode Resources

→ Irisanya Moon: https://www.irisanyamoon.com 

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

---

Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

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Full Transcript

Moon: You will need to surrender at some point, because there’s… You can go kicking and screaming but I really encourage not doing that as much as possible. It’s painful enough.

We love to be in control. We love to know what’s going to happen, how long it will last, and what effects it will have on us. But what if, like a tree in the wind, flexibility and surrender are our greatest tools? What if discomfort can be our friend? This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. 

So take a deep breath. No really. Breathe with me for a sec. [TAKES DEEP BREATH] Today we are joined by my friend and teacher Irisanya Moon and we’re going to delve into the less-controllable parts of life. So if you didn’t breathe, breathe with me now [TAKES DEEP BREATH]. We’re going to talk about how ritual can create a container for big feelings and big experiences and also how there is a huge aspect of surrender in ritual (as there is in life). When we do a ceremony, we’re inviting a connection, perhaps with other people, perhaps with certain deities, or with All-That-Is. We are opening our hearts to Mystery. And that can lead us on a journey that might not be what we expected. Things might not be known, or uncomfortable, or clear from moment to moment. But we’re not alone. There are guides, myths, books, and teachers. And Irisanya is the perfect voice to hold space for this discussion. We begin with a question I asked her about rites of passage and how they’ve changed for her over time. 

Thomas: How has the concept of Rites of Passage deepened over your lifetime?

Moon: Hmm, yeah, I think that's that come… that can be answered in a couple of different ways. First of all, I never really thought about it. You know, I grew up in the Midwest and I was Catholic for a very long time. And I think technically, I still am, on a technicality. I still am. And so I've been through those rites of passage. But I looked at those as sort of like, I have to do them and so they never really felt like things that I was in charge of. They felt like: When I'm in second grade, you do communion. When I'm in fifth grade, I think, you do reconciliation. In eighth grade, you do confirmation. And then you get married, and then you do all this stuff. So those felt more like obligations, maybe duty. As I stepped away from the church and moved into witchcraft, I… Rites of Passage was a class that I took…

Thomas: I took that too. 

Moon: Right, exactly. It was one of the classes that I took. And so I was like, okay, this is interesting. I think it was the second class in Reclaiming that I took. At that point, I hadn't really met a lot of big situations that I felt were worthy of a rite of passage, I think. I didn't understand the value of that. That's a better way to say it. I didn't understand the idea of ritualizing things. And I think maybe that was a remnant of Catholicism. I was like, I don't want to ritualize like that. 

Thomas: Sure, sure. 

Moon: So I think that the next stage was realizing that that was really vital for my healing and realizing that a rite of passage is a way to have something witnessed, celebrated often, and a place to create a container for that and to have it be held well and softly, and like something precious. Because it is. And I think from there, I think through like my own initiatory process and through other things that I've been through, I recognized that the more I delineate who I was, and from who I'm becoming, or what's happening next, the more empowered I felt the more like… I don’t want to say in control, because I think a lot of this is surrender. But I think, you know, more empowered in the situation to claim that as something that is, that's important.

Thomas: That's well said. And I think it's true as we age and as we experience life. You know, there are deeper wells we fall into, and “Oh, my goodness, what is this experience? And how do I make sense of this?” And that's what ritual can do is, when it's done well, and it's a safe space, it can really hold space for this thing that's… just can be overwhelming.

Moon: Absolutely. I mean, how do you… Like ritual is, and can be structured, but it's also a really great place for things that are messy. And also holds them in a way that you can't always explain, at least that's been my experience. You know, having done a lot of rituals and things like that. Like, sometimes I don't know why it's working, but it is because there's some sort of like, “Oh, this is, this is what we do now…” and you sort of have to surrender into it, but that's a rite of passage too. This is what's going on and we’re going to have to go with it and we'll see what happens. Often.

Thomas: Trusting the mystery….

Moon: Absolutely. Yeah. I think, you know, I think of Inanna and I think of that story, of Inanna and all the gates, right? Like, at each gate, you gotta let something go, because that's the way it goes. And you can fight and be stubborn like me, and you can argue it every day. But the ways of the underworld are perfect and may not be questioned. And that's the way it goes, so like it or not, you can either struggle, you know, struggle all the way through, maybe just meet it and go, “This is awful. And that's just the way it is right now.”

Thomas: Yeah, and when things are so big and so overwhelming, it's kind of like there's… surrendering can be a way through.

Moon: It's necessary. It's absolutely necessary. It is also the worst. [LAUGHS] I mean it can be the worst, right? I think that I was teaching something the other day and someone… I was actually talking about initiation, so it's fresh in my head. And there was a question at the end that said, “But what if I… how do I surrender when I don't want to?” And I was like, “Good question.” And I said something to the effect of like, you know, surrender is sometimes about… or like not wanting to surrender is sometimes about not feeling safe to do it. Which, obviously. It's scary. You don't know what's going to happen. Our bodies are wired to, like, protect us and to not do things that they don't know how to do or that they haven't seen before. And I was like, I really think that part of surrender is taking care of that animal body and making sure that it knows it's safe. And that, you know, it's very simple stuff, you know, water, food, rest, movement, meditation or whatever practice like some spiritual practice that makes you feel safe. Being with people that make you feel safe, because then you know, even in the crumbling, I can fall apart. 

Mmm. And falling apart is that moment that makes us so vulnerable. And, I would argue, it’s where some of the deepest healing can begin. But our animal bodies do need a safe place for that. Our nervous systems need a safe place for that. Safe, warm, centered, caring. A trusted inner circle of friends, a compassionate partner, or an intentional space and time on our own. 

Moon: One of my phrases that I like to use is, I like to call in the idea of discomfort as ally. Discomfort teaches us something and tells us that it's something new. So if we can look at it as an ally, maybe it becomes a collaboration versus a fight.

Thomas: I like that. 

Moon: That applies to a whole bunch of things discomfort as ally. So we're… how you deal with your various internalized oppressive thinking, whether you're dealing with… dealing with and working towards becoming more anti-racist, like “How do I, how do I sit with discomfort as an ally, not as something I did wrong? But something I could learn from?” Ideally.

Thomas: Right… and that's, I don’t know if that’s a muscle, but it's… I've had to dramatically increase my ability to be with discomfort around race, and thought for a while I couldn't, and then realized I could, once I kind of started figuring it out and trying it and… Yeah, and how incredibly essential it is, like a hack, a huge hack.

Moon: Absolutely, right? It is. Like once you're like, “Oh, wait… wait, okay.” Well, I think it's… challenging for so many reasons, but also for… I don't I don't think like a lot of society is conditioned to, like, be okay with being uncomfortable. Like we're always seeking comfort. Like from… And that makes sense. I do, of course, because, of course, I want to be comfortable. But because I think it's so easy to be so removed from it, then when it does come it feels so much bigger. And sometimes it's not. It's like it's uncomfortable and doesn't feel good. But it's not actually dangerous.

And discomfort isn’t usually going to hurt us. We just have a knee-jerk reaction to avoiding it. I’m not sure we can control that. But something we can control is to develop our capacity to notice when we’ve instinctively turned away from something that feels uncomfortable and to stop and consider. Is this something that can actually help me learn something about myself, or be someone better? Consider this an invitation. We’ll both try this. The next time you notice that you’re feel uncomfortable, maybe you find yourself walking away from a conversation, or your get a text you don’t want to respond to, or you’re confronted with something you don’t want to do and find yourself suddenly scrolling social media, take a breath and set a time for 1 minute. And just practice sitting with whatever feelings you’re wanting to get away from. Just allow yourself to be there for 1 minute. Allow yourself to develop a capacity to be with discomfort. And when you’re done, do a little dance. Because you’re a rock star!

[MUSIC]

If you follow Irisanya’s work, you know that she is a prolific author and teacher. In fact, she will be launching a year-long Aphrodite immersion in 2024, as well as the Heart Magick Mystery School. And one of the reasons I am so happy to have her with us today is to hear about her latest book: Pagan Portals: Norns: Weavers of Fate & Magick.

Moon: The Norns are the Wyrd Sisters. And so it is Urd, Verdandi, and Skuld and they are not quite, but we're gonna use this because it's simpler, you know, is, was, and shall-be. They are the ones that spin the threads, and then weave the string, and then also cut it when it's the end of the life. They are the ones who are in charge of that whole thing. In Norse mythology, there are thoughts about, you know, all of our lives are predetermined. So… and that is not a fun thing to say in this culture. Like, “I want to know that I am in charge of this life that I have in front of me.” And it’s not like everybody thinks the same way, but if we were to carry that it is, yes, everything's determined, and how can I meet what my life brings to me? Yes, everything might be predetermined and all of us have a piece of this web and how we interact does actually shift things. So I love to write… I love to do magic with the Norns because it reminds me not only of this interconnectedness and this again, this idea of not being alone in this and that we are all connected in some way, but it also reminds me that since time is not really linear, it's sort of happening all at the same time. That also means healing happens all at the same time. And it can travel back and forth, and up and down, and all the different directions. At least that's what I think. I don't, I don't think of time only going forward. I think that what's happening, what's already happened to me is still impacting me, so it is still a part of this. And that's why I think that's important. I think this idea of like time and sort of realizing that we we live in a society that has very, you know, specific ideas about what that looks like, you're and “You're running out of time”, or “You have taken too much time”, or “You have so much time ahead of you.” Why stress about this? To challenge that, I think is important. To challenge that and to bring that into rituals that… maybe it's not that you've missed an opportunity, maybe it's that you have a different opportunity to take. A different healing to send back to generations that might want it, need it, to send it forward to the future descendants that might want it and need it. 

One of the things I bring up in the book that I think is vital to this grief conversation or rites of passage and things like that is… there's… I don't have a favorite Norn, I always say but this one's my favorite is Verdandi and she is most often related with the present moment. Which is something I find I've always had a challenge with. Like, how do I stay present? How do I, you know… worked real hard on that. The thing that I recognized as I was writing this and in other work with her, the present moment is so fleeting [SNAPS]. Like how do you define that? You can't. Like the present moment? Oh, there it goes, you know? And because of that, you know, every like this moment right now has become the past so quickly. So, she's such a great reminder of that and in this moment of like either encountering grief for anticipating grief, present moment how can I meet this present moment right now because it is building every… all of my past and it is also launching me to whatever comes next. So being present is a big part of all this when we talk about witnessing and all the different things. Present. How can I really know this moment because it's already gone? 

Thomas: I'm curious if you've developed different strategies for staying in the present moment, after working with the Norns.

Moon: Yeah, I would love to say that I do that all the time. I think that… I think the best thing that I've learned is actually the things that I learned from her Verdandi is that… There's this one practice, I don't remember if I put it in the book or not, because sometimes you write books and it was a while ago… Like looking into a mirror is a really good present moment practice. Where are you at right now? Without looking away without maybe examining how things could be different. I think that is a practice I turned to and actually often turn away from because someone's gonna listen to this and go, “I've heard you spout off about mirror work.” I have, it is confronting. It's confronting to be in the moment, because it is not only like looking at yourself in the mirror, but it's also like, I'm in a moment where I could do something. Why am I not? Or why am I choosing this particular thing? For me, my cultivation of staying more present is often showing up and unprepared. I just do it more often now. I just show up for what is present. I think Adrienne Maree Brown talks about that in “Emergent Strategy”, like to be… it's be more present, like presence over preparation. And that is actually really helpful. Because instead of walking into something going like, “Oh, this is what I'm going to say, or this is what's going to happen” or anything like that. I just show up and go, “What's already here? How do I engage with that?” And it has become a muscle, I show up more and meet what's present. I mean, I taught at a camp in Australia recently and we did…the whole camp was about Aphrodite, but we had one day of grief. And my co-teacher and I realized the thing we had planned was definitely not the thing that we needed to do that day and so we had to surrender and come up with something else and just follow where people were at. And that is… it's a it takes time to sort of trust that that's going to be okay, but we did we trusted we trusted the people in the group we trusted the things that we did think we're going to be the things and it ended up being, from what I've heard and felt for myself because I'm in that too, we got to be present with what was actually real. Not worrying about where we would have been or where we wanted to go. Yeah. So just showing up and being like, “What I have to offer doesn't have to be perfect, but I want to be here, and I want to hear you. I want to hear me.” It just takes a lot of risk and a lot of doing it over and over until it feels like, “Oh, okay. I can trust myself in that moment.”

Thomas: Yeah, I feel like that's a marker of somebody who is more confident. When I think about, like, in the business world, people who show up, like, really prepared, you know, or it's kind of like, it's good to be prepared but then also there are people who show up, and they're just like, “Okay, I'm here, what's going on today?” You know, and that sort of happens, like the higher level. It's the underlings that have done all the homework, because, you know, the way the work is structured and everything like in a business setting… Yeah, it's, it's like, I love to see a woman who just walks in, and she's just like, “Okay, you know, I got a sense of it, and now, where are we?” And like, let's go with this. And, together, we're going to work with this thing, you know, and, yeah, there's a confidence there.

Moon: That's also trusting, like, where it's not just trusting yourself, it's trusting everyone around you and I think that trusting that everyone will show up in the way that they can, you just can't expect anything, you know, perfect to be perfect or the way that you want necessarily, I have many stories about that. But it is about trusting that you are in the space where something is going to happen, that something will emerge. And the other thing that Adrienne Maree Brown says, moving at the speed of trust is a way to… Yeah, it also helps people come together more easily and to meet these moments where it is possibly confusing and something needs to change because… some death, destruction, whatever. You know, this is a moment where what you've planned doesn't make sense and to do what you did plan would not be the thing. There is no perfection in any of this. 

Thomas: No.

Moon: …there’s only arriving. 

Thomas: Exactly. 
So how are you in terms of preparing vs just showing up and being in the flow? I’m guessing you’re probably, like most people, a balance between the two. And how is surrender your friend? And how is discomfort your ally? [TAKES DEEP BREATH] I remind you of Irisanya’s thoughts on making it safe for the body. New things can be scary. Discomfort can feel awful, but there are ways to calm our bodies and our hearts and hopefully friends to have by our side on the journey. 

Irisanya will be back next time to speak with us on the discomfort of grief and how to keep moving forward year after year after a particularly meaningful loss. 

Irisanya Moon is an author, Witch, priestess, teacher, and initiate in the Reclaiming tradition. She is passionate about the idea that life is and we are a love spell, a dance of desire and connection, a moving in and out of the heart, always returning to love. Irisanya cultivates spaces of radical acceptance to foster trust and liberation to remind people they are not alone. 

Our music is by Terry Hughes. Find us on IG and Twitter at shamepinata, reach us through our website, shamepinata.com. And subscribe to the show on your favorite player. Also be sure to check out our second show, Daily Magic for Peace, supporting you as you support Ukraine. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S4 E2 From Pandemic to Endemic (Megan Sheldon)

Episode Summary

As we continue to move out of the pandemic and begin to vision what we want our new lives to look like, what do you see for yourself? What are you creating? Are you anxious to get back to everything at once or perhaps are you seeking a slower, more intention way of living. What might that look like?

Episode Resources

→ Be Ceremonial Website: https://www.beceremonial.com/

→ Be Ceremonial App (App Store): https://apps.apple.com/app/be-ceremonial/id1582513679

→ Be Ceremonial App (Google Play): https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.beceremonial.app

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

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Love Shame Piñata?
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Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

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Full Transcript

Sheldon: I learned this beautiful word during the pandemic called languishing and it was this idea that you're not thriving and you're not kind of depressed, but you're just kind of floating through. And I think that's what happened to a lot of us. We shut down because we just got overloaded with all these feelings. And I think now that I'm starting to turn that back on and kind of move out of that languishing kind of, you know, blah, and move back into feeling alive and connected, I think that ritual has been a huge source for me to get back there.

As we continue to move out of the pandemic and begin to vision what we want our new lives to look like, what do you see for yourself? What are you creating? Are you anxious to get back to everything at once or perhaps you’re seeking a slower, more intention way of living and what might that look like?

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. I have a good friend who is always trying to get me connected. She tells me about the amazing people she’s meeting in the world and encourages me to keep connecting with the movers and shakers in the world of ceremony. She helped me connect with Megan Sheldon, a leader in the field of ritual. Megan is wonderful. She is grounded in nature, really connected. She’s a cultural mythologist, a storyteller, and a celebrant. She makes ritual accessible through an app called Be Ceremonial. We actually dedicated a whole episode to exploring Be Ceremonial and how it was created and how you  you can use it. Check the show notes for a link to that episode. 

Today, though, we’re going to listen to Megan speak about slow technology and how she is using ritual to help us transition from pandemic to endemic. We’re going to start out with a simple question: What is ritual?

Sheldon: People often ask me what the difference is between a routine and a ritual. You know, if you think about, “Oh, I make my coffee the same way every day, is that a ritual?” Like, no, it's not like it becomes a ritual when you add that intention when you add that meaning. When you're, you know, remembering the way that your dad made coffee every morning and using that as a chance to connect with his memory. Or thinking about the stress and anxiety that your body might be holding and using that moment as the pot of coffee is brewing or the kettle is boiling, to just move your shoulders around and feel the stress in your body and just kind of release it. So I often say that we fall into a routine but we step into a ritual. So it's this idea of you just fall into something and you just do it out of habit, that's not a ritual that's just laziness or routine,or that's something that you've just become accustomed to. But as soon as you elevate it through that intention of like, “Okay, what am I want that action to serve? What do I want it to bring? What I want it to do?” Then you've kind of stepped into that ritual mindset.

So stepping into a ritual mindset. This is something Megan says that we can do on a micro-level every day by simply adding intention to a daily practice we’re already doing. I would say that just playing around and noticing what feels good throughout the day is a good place to start. Maybe it’s taking a deep breath at every stoplight to help calm the nervous system, or keeping a gratitude journal, or taking a moment before we leave the office to reflect on what a rockstar we are at our job. Megan says that these kind of micro-practices can give us a good foundation to draw on when big life things come up in life. And when we need those more encompassing ceremonies, there are options. There are talented ritualists in this world and there are also more and more resources to support us in creating our own ceremonies. Megan’s app Be Ceremonial is one of those. She spent some time telling me about what it was like for her to bridge ritual and technology, and said something I’d never heard of before: slow technology.

Sheldon: If you think about the slow movements, you've got slow food, you've got slow fashion. It's about being mindful of what you're using and how you're using it. So I remember there was a small little town in Italy and I heard stories about them that they were resisting fast food. They were saying we will not allow any… we will not allow any fast food to enter our region. No McDonald's, no Burger King, no…you know, all the for the most part American but also European kind of versions of fast food where you go in and get the food and you leave and you eat really quickly and you know, you don't really have time to digest and there's no conversation. There's no unfolding. And the Italians do food so well. So they made a law. They forbade fast food to enter their walls. And instead it was the slow food movement. So how do we get back to eating with intention and seeing eating not as something that just like fuels our body, but something that feeds our soul and creates these connections and we allow it to digest and we allow ourselves to kind of enjoy each bite? And so the slow food movement was something that I was introduced to in my early 20s and I just loved it. I just felt so, so right. 

And I know that they have adopted a kind of mechanism, the language for a lot of other things like slow fashion. If you think about the way that we're consuming apparel these days, and these, you know, companies that are just mass producing all this stuff that’s just going straight into the landfill. And I lived in Ghana for a while and I remember seeing this giant, giant landfill of all these clothes that were sent to Ghana from North America in such poor condition that nobody wanted to wear. And just went straight out into this dump, into this landfill as pollution. And so we have to be more mindful of how we're consuming things. 

And technology is, is there too, right? If we're, if we're not mindful of how much we're on Instagram, or how much we're on YouTube, or how much TV we're watching. If we just kind of allow technology to become so fast that we're… we don't even have time to react, it's just in our face all the time, which… I'm raising small children, so I'm very aware of their relationship with technology and it's forced me to look at my own relationship with technology. Where am I… Where can I bring more mindfulness and ritual into that experience? So the idea of slow technology, for us at least, is that we want to create something that can give people tools and inspiration and share stories. And you can print out the ceremony and have it in hardcopy, so you can leave your technology behind so you don't have to bring it to your ceremonial setting. We don't want to kind of force people to feel like they're missing something if they're not there with you all along. So a lot of the workshops that we create, we're going to be pre-recording, and we're going to be putting them into the app environment so you can access them when you need them. It's not… there's not a deadline, there's not this kind of, you know, movement forward where you feel like you're gonna miss something if you're not saying yes to everything. 

I have a dear friend here in Vancouver, and she told me that… what was her exact quote? “Urgency is a Western construct,” and I laughed, I'm like, “That's it! Like somebody sends you an email and you think you have to respond right away.” Well, okay, let's be ritualistic with the way we respond to emails. What would your life look like if you didn't just respond to an email when it came in? But every day from 10am to 11am, you made the same kind of cup of tea and you sat down mindfully, maybe you put on a song, and you said, “For the next hour, I'm going to respond to these emails mindfully. I'm going to read each one, and I'm going to think about it. And I'm going to respond in a way that feels, you know, intentional in the moment. And then I'm going to turn it off and I'm going to wait until the next day to respond to the new emails that have come in.” What would our lives look like if we just slowed things down a little bit? Easier said than done…

Thomas: I like it and I can feel the resistance of the part of me that's like, “No! They need me, I must, you know, I must reply now…they asked me, I must be needed!” 

Sheldon: That's that fast culture being like… permeating into us, into our psyche, saying, you know, “Do it now, or else you'll miss out,” or, “They'll be angry, or they'll be upset, or they'll move on to the next.” And I do think we can reclaim the space and ritual is a really… You know, daily ritual and tapping into that kind of intentional way of living and the mindfulness… they're all connected, hey're all hopefully teaching us to not just respond for responding’s sake, but to digest and… like the Italians do with their food, right? Imagine responding to emails the way you would enjoy a beautiful meal in a small little town in Italy, savoring each bite. [LAUGHS] What would that experience look like? And maybe you're looking at the email and you think, “No, I'm not going to respond to an email here, I'm going to phone them,” or “I'm going to ask this friend or this person that reached out, you know, I can sense that there's something more here I'm gonna ask them to meet me in the forest and we're gonna have a forest walk instead.” I've hosted, I don't know, 50% of my meetings the last two years in the forest instead of over the phone.

Thomas: Wow. 

Sheldon: And what that does for us is a whole other whole other chapter…

Thomas: That's so wonderful.

[MUSIC]

If you enjoy Shame Piñata, consider checking out Daily Magic for Peace. Daily Magic for Peace is a totally different kind of show that invites you to grab an item and do a simple ritual for peace in Ukraine. Episodes are less than 10 minutes long with a focus on calming the nervous system and keeping your heart open. You can find Daily Magic for Peace wherever you're listening to this podcast.

Speaking of slowing things down and savoring them, Megan inspired me to consider how the pandemic has helped us appreciate the things that really matter in life. 

Sheldon: It's been three and a half years since my mother-in-law in Sweden has seen my children. And she comes next week. And I am full of ideas of like, “Oh, okay, what are we going to do with her? What are we you know, all the things…” And then I just have to slow down and think, “You know what, it's not about that.”It's about creating those ritual moments, the small little moments of intention, where there's no pressure, there's no traffic, there's no urgency. We're simply creating space to be with her because for three and a half years, that's what we've been mourning and grieving. So I'm really starting to let that resonate of how we can have her leave after the month that she spends with us and feel really full like that… you know, that felt ceremonial in some way. There was something that happened at the beginning and the middle and the end of the trip that allowed us to acknowledge the things that we've been holding and witness each other.

Thomas: Are you working with people specifically around rituals to mark changes in the pandemic?

Sheldon: I actually just hosted a retreat in person two weekends ago and it was all about emerging out of the winter into the spring, also known as the pandemic into the endemic. So the whole theme of the weekend was around, you know, the first evening is all around releasing what was. So the way that I frame a ceremony, there's always an opening ritual to kind of invite you in and a closing ritual to kind of close it off. But in between, you need to acknowledge the past, the present, and the future. So the first night of our ritual, we acknowledged what was and we all went around and we shared stories about what we've been holding and what we've been grieving. We wrote things down on paper and ritually burned it in this beautiful old stove fire. And we did it in silence. We witnessed each other. We didn't rush. We just kind of, you know, we were present in that moment. And the next day we found rituals to be in the present and to acknowledge what is and to not think so much and not stress so much and not regret so much. And of course, I took everyone into the ocean, because that's my go-to these days for being present. But it also comes back to breath and we were doing a breathing ritual together earlier and I think coming back to breath is so important. I base a lot of my rituals around the four elements to how you incorporate fire and earth and water and air. And really finding that stillness I think is an integral part of the ceremonial experience. 

And then finally, the third day was around acknowledging what will be. So how do we… how do we create our own legacy? How do we leave the pandemic, leave the kind of winter kind of feeling behind and move forward with something that we want to carry intentionally? How do we plant those seeds that we hope will soon grow? How do we think about it as a rite of passage? How do we incorporate this back into our daily life? So I think the beautiful part about the ritual retreat was that we all came together and we all co-created these things. The finale ritual that we all created was I brought a giant bowl in the center of our circle filled with epson salts and I invited everybody to spend some time on the 30 acre farmland that we were spending the weekend on and find a natural piece of grass or flowers or moss or seaweed - something that they had found. And then at the end, we all offer that to this giant salt bowl. And we did so with intention. We were sharing something that we needed or something we wanted to offer the group. And as we placed it in the center, one by one witnessing each other, we then had this big giant bowl full of all of our intentions and our wishes and our blessings and our hopes and our dreams. And we stirred it all up together and then I had little jars for each person. I invited them to scoop up their own little glass jar and then take that home with them. And then I said, “When you're feeling disconnected. When you're feeling that you are missing the energy from this weekend, or a version of yourself that you remember this weekend, take some of these salts and place them in the bath or go down to the beach or put them in your room somewhere where you can see them.” But for me, it's that ritual bath it's just like I soak in the salts that were co-created by people that I grew to love - I’d just met three days earlier and we became a community. So for me that type of ritual that you can leave people with something to hold on to, something to tap back into that experience. And it doesn't have to cost any money it can be a pine cone you find in the forest, it can be a rock you find on the beach. I mean I'm a little biased because I live and live in the Pacific Northwest where we're surrounded by mountains and forests and oceans but you know, it can be a quarter that you find on the sidewalk in downtown Manhattan and suddenly that quarter holds a different symbol symbolism and meaning if you if you imbue it with it ,if you take that quarter and you think this is going to represent this day or  this feeling.

You may not be able to attend an in-person retreat with Megan or join her in a bracing dip into the ocean, but there are ways to connect to her community. 

Sheldon: We will always make Be Ceremonial available to people in some shape or form. So, I think that if you are interested in ritual and ceremony and you want a place to start, I think that it's a really good place just to start to get some inspiration and just to have, you know, a little sneak peek behind the curtain as to what's possible. And if you want to go deeper, if you're somebody who really wants to bring more ritual and more ceremony into your daily life, into the lives of those that surround you, there is a place for you here. This is the growing community for me will completely be fueled by our stories and sharing with each other what's possible. And that gets me really excited, that fills my bucket just imagine the idea of a co-created community around the globe of ceremony seekers and people that are, you know, they they might not even know it’s ceremony and ritual that they've been seeking but as soon as they hear it as soon as they you know introduce it back into their lives, they'll know. And I think it's really important for people to know that you know, I'm not here to teach you about ritual and ceremony or how to be more ritualistic. I'm here to help you remember because I do think that we are all naturally ceremonial. I think that if you look at kids… My three and five year old last year were so craving ceremony and I wouldn't even give them that much parameter, I would just create that container and give them that invitation and they would naturally become these little ceremony beings that were so happy to have a place to channel those feelings that they were holding. So if we if we ever think that we don't know how to do ritual and ceremony, just ask your kids, or ask your friend’s kids, or go down the street and see a little one and, you know, invite them to talk about, you know, the things that they do, that might be defined as ritual. And I think it should inspire all of us because it doesn't have to be complicated, it doesn't have to be costly, it can simply be that moment of intention with the hope of creating meaning in your life or in the life of someone else.

I hope you are able to take a breath today, maybe schedule a time tomorrow to finish going through emails. I hope you are well and healthy in moving from pandemic to endemic and that you have as much support, creative inspiration, and love as you could possibly have. Be sure to check out the first part of my conversation with Megan where we take a deep dive into the Be Ceremonial app. Find it on the Shame Piñata feed or at the link in the show notes. 

Megan Sheldon is a Cultural Mythologist, End of Life Storyteller, and a Celebrant. She is also the co-founder of Be Ceremonial, the world's first ceremony creation platform, giving you the ritual tools you need to create your own ceremony. You can sign up for a free account at Be Ceremonial dot com or download the App in the App Store.

Our music is by Terry Hughes. Find us on IG and Twitter at shamepinata, reach us through our website, shamepinata.com. And subscribe to the show on your favorite player. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S2 E8 Continuing to Make Sense of COVID Time

Episode Summary

Even with all of the progress we have made through COVID, somehow, time is still a spiral. Join us for a look back at the 1-year anniversary of the lockdown where we explore the concept of time and how it helps us make sense of life. 

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

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Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

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Full Transcript

I was listening through the library of Shame Piñata shows recently, and was struck by how little has changed since our discussion of COVID time was released back in March of this year. That was the one year anniversary of when the pandemic really took hold in the US, when the lockdowns started. 

Since March, things have opened up a bit more. Kids are back at school. Grocery stores are busier. And at the same time, that sense of liminality, that sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop still feels like it's here with us. So I invite you to join me in reflecting on that one-year out episode. I invite you to dive back in with me, into the spiral of time, into an exploration of what time give us, how it serves us, and what it means to us... all with the goal of finding our own center in the midst of continuing liminality. 

Torres: First, I have to say, like, I don't... I know you were putting like the toilet paper tubes in a little area in the bathroom but I wasn't sure why and now you have them out on the table and I'm noticing they have like a... it's like a journal... it's really cool. 

This is my husband Rodrigo sitting with me and 47 empty toilet paper rolls. 

Torres: ...look, I have a collection of paper rolls with stuff written on them and I'm like...

I used them as a way to mark our progression through the pandemic. 

Thomas: Here's the very first one. 

Torres: Oh, wow. Yeah, and we're, we're about there. It's almost a year now.

Thomas: Yeah. It was March 18 I think when we went on lockdown. 

Torres: Wow. 

Thomas: So this is March 30 '20. And then there's a March from '21 there at that end. 

Torres: 3/2/21. That was two days ago.

Thomas: So I dated them and I have them arranged them arranged by month so we can see how many we used each month.  

Torres: Ok.

After a while of just dating them, I started also writing little journal entries on them. 

Thomas: What do you got there?

Torres: Ah, let's see... let me grab one of these. 8/1/20: My podcast is...

Thomas: …now…

Torres: …now available on Alexa. And it's written around the tube so it's like, you have to turn the tube around to read it.

Thomas: Right. It's an interactive journal experience.

Torres: Yes. It's a spiral with time.

Time is a spiral - right now and always. And COVID time is a ride all its own. Whatever your experience of time has been in the past year, join me for a look at what time gives us and the benefits of letting go. We'll also explore our own personal connection to space and time so we're not so thrown by the world around us. 

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. So how are you doing with time right now? Do you have enough of it? Too much of it? Do you feel lost or are you right on track? Do you know what day of the week it is? How sure are you about that? I've been having a hard time telling which way is up for about a year now, and it's disconcerting and I know I'm not the only one. I've heard several people say in the past year that it's difficult to focus, it's difficult to keep track of what month it is, difficult to gauge the passage of time during the day. Was that 15 minutes? Was that only two weeks ago? COVID has really been messing with our ability to keep track of time, mostly because it's a completely liminal space that's asked us to give up the framework we've used our whole lives.

I found an article on liminality recently from Alan Seale, the Founder & Director of the Center for Transformational Presence. The piece was written in 2016. Seale, who could probably never have imagined how impactful his article would be in the early 2020's tells us that, "The word 'liminal' comes from the Latin root, limen, which means 'threshold.' The liminal space is the 'crossing over' space – a space where you have left something behind, yet you are not yet fully in something else. It's a transition space." 

Time is a super interesting thing. We feel secure when we build routines and expectations based on its constant presence. We mark time with concepts like generations, lifetimes, stages of life, annual patterns, weekly schedules, daily routines. Let's take a moment to consider what COVID has done with these concepts. It's become difficult to connect across generations which has kind of separated us from that intergenerational space that's so rich an important. The National Academy of Sciences recently published a study showing that life expectancy in the US went down in 2020 due to the pandemic, so there's a hit to our concept of what constitutes a lifetime. Along with that, the life expectancy reduction for the Black and Latino communities is 3 to 4 times that for the white community. That very statistic threatens to erase any gains we've made in equity on its own. Stages of life and the ways we mark them have also been affected. Graduations, weddings and other gatherings designed to mark the stages of life largely abandoned for almost a year. We're missing those rituals, really missing them. And lastly, as you know, our annual, weekly and daily patterns have completely changed. 

This is no small thing. I know you know this, and I just really want to say that whatever you're feeling right now, and whatever happened the last time you maybe suddenly just lost it over something small, you're not imagining things. This is weird. We didn't build our lives to make sense of this. An extended period of liminality with no warning and no psychological preparation is pretty brutal. COVID time to me feels like living inside a jar of sand and water that's being constantly shaken. Kinda like a snow globe, but without the pretty winter scene creating a calming sense of place. 

What does time do for us? Or to be clear, what does an organized sense of time do for us? I think it gives us stability and maybe even sanity. At the very least, it provides a lay of the land, a framework, something to base our expectations on. But maybe we need to even be more fine-tuned in discussing this. It's not that time isn't flowing normally right now, right? Two weeks is still two weeks during COVID, but the thing that's weird is it doesn't feel like two weeks. I thought that I would get used to the flow of time in COVID and eventually it wouldn't be so disorienting, but that actually hasn't happened. I think that's because we're still in the liminal, threshold space, and the big question "When will this be over?" still can't be answered. So there has to be some benefit from this weird time we're in, some way we can grow from it. We'll be right back. 

[MUSIC]

Thank you for spending a few minutes of your day with us! If you enjoy listening to Shame Piñata, you can support the show by sharing with a friend or co-worker. We're into our 2nd season now (yay!) so all of our first season episodes are available on your favorite player and there might be one there that would really call to someone you know. And thanks!

One thing we can definitely do is practice disconnecting from our attachments and embracing the feel of flow. We might realize we're already doing this multiple times a day once we start paying attention. We can also use this time to reframe our view of the world and how we show up in it. We can fight for making a better world, a more equitable world. I have a quote on my desk that I look at every morning from writer Roxane Gay, something she said a year ago when the pandemic started, "The rest of the world yearns to get back to normal. For Black people, normal is the very thing from which we yearn to be free." And this is a chance for all of us to change the way we live, who we connect with, what kind of media we consume, and whose words we surround ourselves with. We are being offered the chance to see things from a different angle. 

And as Alan Seale says, "Herein lies the power and the gift of the liminal space. The liminal space shakes us out of our habitual lives. It draws us out of what we have known, yet does not allow us to know what is coming next, or when. It’s the chrysalis stage for the caterpillar."

So how do we keep track of time within liminality? Here are a few ideas. First, routine events can help: A daily walk, a weekly lunch, a monthly treat. These are things our subconscious mind can begin to rely on for comfort and stability. And they can even weave in some connection if we want that. There's number two, regular social connections. I've been lucky enough to be part of a family that's held weekly Zoom calls for almost a year now. Before COVID, visits were few and far between, but we just celebrated our 50th call last week. (I know because my uncle keeps track and he held up a big 5-0 sign as we began the call). 

If you don't have regular social connections in your life right now, consider looking online at the activities and groups you find interesting. So many things have moved online right now. It's possible to attend workshops and ceremonies on the other side of the world. And if you can't handle any more screen time, consider events that might allow you to call in rather than connect online and maybe take a walk while you listen. 

Third, nature is still happening! The Earth still turns every 24 hours, bringing the steady rhythm of sunrises and sunsets which can be very potent times to observe the majesty of life on our planet. And the moon still pulls on the waters in our bodies just as much as she pulls on the waters of the Earth. You can mark the month by her changing light and if you choose to honor the new moon or the full moon, know that there is a very rich history in that tradition. And of course there are the many sabbats around the wheel of the year as celebrated by the earth-based religions throughout time. Here in the northern hemisphere we're coming up to Spring Equinox later this month which will of course be the Autumnal Equinox in the southern hemisphere. And that brings us to the mid point between emptiness and fullness, a moment of balance. And balance brings us to ritual. 

[MUSIC]

We can create rituals to mark the significant moment in our lives. As social psychologist Shira Gabriel says, "Rituals mark the passage of time as sacred." We can also use ceremony to center ourselves when things are topsy-turvy. Here's a simple ritual sketch we might use to find ourselves even within the flow of COVID time.

So first we might create an intentional space by finding a still corner of the house or maybe taking a walk to find a quiet space in nature. Then we might take a few deep breaths and really feel into the body. What does it feel like to be sitting on this thing? What is the feeling of the air on my skin? How many sounds can I hear?

Next we might get in touch with any spiritual guides, Goddesses, Gods or entities we work with or connect to the numinous however we experience it with gratitude and humility. Connected to this greater force, we might notice that our breathing has softened a bit and that we feel just a little bit calmer. 

We might then bring our focus to the wide field of time, seeing ourselves in the very center of it, complete and whole, grounded and calm. Noticing how it moves in spirals, how it dances around us and holds great complexity. And yet at the center of it, we are focused and deeply connected with our own self, our own presence. Sound healer Aleya Dao talks about the golden river of light that flows at our core. We might connect to that pure essence of self as we watch time go by like a movie. 

We might begin to sense the many ways that our core essence transcends time, transcends the grids our mind creates to make sense of it. We might come up on a younger version of ourselves and feel moved to share something we've learned with them. We might seek out an older version of ourselves and ask for some wisdom to make this COVID time easier. 

Mostly, we can rest in the deep knowing that all time is now and all space is here. This ceremonial experience of time transcends the limits we've known before, and allows us to heal in new ways. When we're ready, we can return to the space we're in, take a few deep breaths and maybe move our body around a little to come back to waking consciousness. And we might want to write down a thing or two of what we experienced in the open field of time. 

So how are you keeping track of time right now? What's working for you? Drop us a note on the shamepinata.com website and we will share your tips in an upcoming show. 

Our music is by Terry Hughes. You can follow us on IG and Twitter at shamepinata. You can support the show by subscribing on Radio Public, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S2 E2 Making Sense of COVID Time

Episode Summary

Time is a spiral - right now and always. And COVID time is a ride all its own. Whatever your experience of time has been in the past year, join us for a look at what time gives us and the benefits of letting go. We'll also explore our own personal connection to space and time so we're not so thrown by the world around us.

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

---

Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

---

---

Full Transcript

Torres: First, I have to say, like, I don't... I know you were putting like the toilet paper tubes in a little area in the bathroom but I wasn't sure why and now you have them out on the table and I'm noticing they have like a... it's like a journal... it's really cool.

This is my husband Rodrigo sitting with me and 47 empty toilet paper rolls.

Torres: ...look, I have a collection of paper rolls with stuff written on them and I'm like...

I used them as a way to mark our progression through the pandemic.

Thomas: Here's the very first one.

Torres: Oh, wow. Yeah, and we're, we're about there. It's almost a year now.

Thomas: Yeah. It was March 18 I think when we went on lockdown.

Torres: Wow.

Thomas: So this is March 30 '20. And then there's a March from '21 there at that end.

Torres: 3/2/21. That was two days ago.

Thomas: So I dated them and I have them arranged them arranged by month so we can see how many we used each month.

Torres: Ok.

After a while of just dating them, I started also writing little journal entries on them.

Thomas: What do you got there?

Torres: Ah, let's see... let me grab one of these. 8/1/20: My podcast is...

Thomas: Now

Torres: Now available on Alexa. And it's written around the tube so it's like, you have to turn the tube around to read it.

Thomas: Right. It's an interactive journal experience.

Torres: Yes. It's a spiral with time.

Time is a spiral - right now and always. And COVID time is a ride all its own. Whatever your experience of time has been in the past year, join me for a look at what time gives us and the benefits of letting go. We'll also explore our own personal connection to space and time so we're not so thrown by the world around us.

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions.

So how are you doing with time right now? Do you have enough of it? Too much of it? Do you feel lost or are you right on track? Do you know what day of the week it is? How sure are you about that? I've been having a hard time telling which way is up for about a year now, and it's disconcerting and I know I'm not the only one. I've heard several people say in the past year that it's difficult to focus, it's difficult to keep track of what month it is, difficult to gauge the passage of time during the day. Was that 15 minutes? Was that only two weeks ago? COVID has really been messing with our ability to keep track of time, mostly because it's a completely liminal space that's asked us to give up the framework we've used our whole lives.

I found an article on liminality recently from Alan Seale, the Founder & Director of the Center for Transformational Presence. The piece was written in 2016. Seale, who could probably never have imagined how impactful his article would be in the early 2020's tells us that, "The word 'liminal' comes from the Latin root, limen, which means 'threshold.' The liminal space is the 'crossing over' space – a space where you have left something behind, yet you are not yet fully in something else. It's a transition space."

Time is a super interesting thing. We feel secure when we build routines and expectations based on its constant presence. We mark time with concepts like generations, lifetimes, stages of life, annual patterns, weekly schedules, daily routines. Let's take a moment to consider what COVID has done with these concepts. It's become difficult to connect across generations which has kind of separated us from that intergenerational space that's so rich an important. The National Academy of Sciences recently published a study showing that life expectancy in the US went down in 2020 due to the pandemic, so there's a hit to our concept of what constitutes a lifetime. Along with that, the life expectancy reduction for the Black and Latino communities is 3 to 4 times that for the white community. That very statistic threatens to erase any gains we've made in equity on its own. Stages of life and the ways we mark them have also been affected. Graduations, weddings and other gatherings designed to mark the stages of life largely abandoned for almost a year. We're missing those rituals, really missing them. And lastly, as you know, our annual, weekly and daily patterns have completely changed.

This is no small thing. I know you know this, and I just really want to say that whatever you're feeling right now, and whatever happened the last time you maybe suddenly just lost it over something small, you're not imagining things. This is weird. We didn't build our lives to make sense of this. An extended period of liminality with no warning and no psychological preparation is pretty brutal. COVID time to me feels like living inside a jar of sand and water that's being constantly shaken. Kinda like a snow globe, but without the pretty winter scene creating a calming sense of place.

What does time do for us? Or to be clear, what does an organized sense of time do for us? I think it gives us stability and maybe even sanity. At the very least, it provides a lay of the land, a framework, something to base our expectations on. But maybe we need to even be more fine-tuned in discussing this. It's not that time isn't flowing normally right now, right? Two weeks is still two weeks during COVID, but the thing that's weird is it doesn't feel like two weeks. I thought that I would get used to the flow of time in COVID and eventually it wouldn't be so disorienting, but that actually hasn't happened. I think that's because we're still in the liminal, threshold space, and the big question "When will this be over?" still can't be answered. So there has to be some benefit from this weird time we're in, some way we can grow from it. We'll be right back.

[MUSIC]

Thank you for spending a few minutes of your day with us! If you enjoy listening to Shame Piñata, you can support the show by sharing with a friend or co-worker. We're into our 2nd season now (yay!) so all of our first season episodes are available on your favorite player and there might be one there that would really call to someone you know. And thanks!

One thing we can definitely do is practice disconnecting from our attachments and embracing the feel of flow. We might realize we're already doing this multiple times a day once we start paying attention. We can also use this time to reframe our view of the world and how we show up in it. We can fight for making a better world, a more equitable world. I have a quote on my desk that I look at every morning from writer Roxane Gay, something she said a year ago when the pandemic started, "The rest of the world yearns to get back to normal. For Black people, normal is the very thing from which we yearn to be free." And this is a chance for all of us to change the way we live, who we connect with, what kind of media we consume, and whose words we surround ourselves with. We are being offered the chance to see things from a different angle.

And as Alan Seale says, "Herein lies the power and the gift of the liminal space. The liminal space shakes us out of our habitual lives. It draws us out of what we have known, yet does not allow us to know what is coming next, or when. It’s the chrysalis stage for the caterpillar."

So how do we keep track of time within liminality? Here are a few ideas. First, routine events can help: A daily walk, a weekly lunch, a monthly treat. These are things our subconscious mind can begin to rely on for comfort and stability. And they can even weave in some connection if we want that. There's number two, regular social connections. I've been lucky enough to be part of a family that's held weekly Zoom calls for almost a year now. Before COVID, visits were few and far between, but we just celebrated our 50th call last week. (I know because my uncle keeps track and he held up a big 5-0 sign as we began the call).

If you don't have regular social connections in your life right now, consider looking online at the activities and groups you find interesting. So many things have moved online right now. It's possible to attend workshops and ceremonies on the other side of the world. And if you can't handle any more screen time, consider events that might allow you to call in rather than connect online and maybe take a walk while you listen.

Third, nature is still happening! The Earth still turns every 24 hours, bringing the steady rhythm of sunrises and sunsets which can be very potent times to observe the majesty of life on our planet. And the moon still pulls on the waters in our bodies just as much as she pulls on the waters of the Earth. You can mark the month by her changing light and if you choose to honor the new moon or the full moon, know that there is a very rich history in that tradition. And of course there are the many sabbats around the wheel of the year as celebrated by the earth-based religions throughout time. Here in the northern hemisphere we're coming up to Spring Equinox later this month which will of course be the Autumnal Equinox in the southern hemisphere. And that brings us to the mid point between emptiness and fullness, a moment of balance. And balance brings us to ritual.

[MUSIC]

We can create rituals to mark the significant moment in our lives. As social psychologist Shira Gabriel says, "Rituals mark the passage of time as sacred." We can also use ceremony to center ourselves when things are topsy-turvy. Here's a simple ritual sketch we might use to find ourselves even within the flow of COVID time.

So first we might create an intentional space by finding a still corner of the house or maybe taking a walk to find a quiet space in nature. Then we might take a few deep breaths and really feel into the body. What does it feel like to be sitting on this thing? What is the feeling of the air on my skin? How many sounds can I hear?

Next we might get in touch with any spiritual guides, Goddesses, Gods or entities we work with or connect to the numinous however we experience it with gratitude and humility. Connected to this greater force, we might notice that our breathing has softened a bit and that we feel just a little bit calmer.

We might then bring our focus to the wide field of time, seeing ourselves in the very center of it, complete and whole, grounded and calm. Noticing how it moves in spirals, how it dances around us and holds great complexity. And yet at the center of it, we are focused and deeply connected with our own self, our own presence. Sound healer Aleya Dao talks about the golden river of light that flows at our core. We might connect to that pure essence of self as we watch time go by like a movie.

We might begin to sense the many ways that our core essence transcends time, transcends the grids our mind creates to make sense of it. We might come up on a younger version of ourselves and feel moved to share something we've learned with them. We might seek out an older version of ourselves and ask for some wisdom to make this COVID time easier.

Mostly, we can rest in the deep knowing that all time is now and all space is here. This ceremonial experience of time transcends the limits we've known before, and allows us to heal in new ways. When we're ready, we can return to the space we're in, take a few deep breaths and maybe move our body around a little to come back to waking consciousness. And we might want to write down a thing or two of what we experienced in the open field of time.

So how are you keeping track of time right now? What's working for you? Drop us a note on the shamepinata.com website and we will share your tips in an upcoming show.

Catch a special edition of Shame Piñata this Sunday March 7 on KPFA's International Women's Day Programming. Interfaith Minister Tristy Taylor will speak on the importance of ceremony in women's lives and The UnBaby Shower she designed when she and her husband stopped trying to have children. That's at 1:30pm Pacific this Sunday, March 7 on KPFA.org. Our music is by Terry Hughes. If you like the show, please take a minute to rate and review it on Apple Podcasts. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S1 E17 Dancing in Liminality

Episode Summary

What if I told you that it's possible to find grace and flow in the middle of chaos? What if I said you could learn how to dance in liminal space and be a rock star, a liminal kind of rockstar. It's all about releasing expectation and connecting to the things that matter the most.

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

---

Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

---

---

Full Transcript

We're nearing the end of the year. It's been 9-12 months in the COVID space, depending on what part of the world you're in. And we're not done. What if I told you that it's possible to find grace and flow in the middle of chaos? What if I said you could learn how to dance in liminal space and be a rock star, a liminal kind of rockstar. It's all about releasing expectation and connecting to the things that matter the most.

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions.

I've been thinking a lot lately about peace and grace and COVID sanity. I was struck by something I heard from recently from Dietician and Chef Alicia Connor. She said, "Let go of the past. Accept the now. Hang tight." There's so much wisdom in that. Because we can't go back. Even though we might be wishing with every fiber of our being for restrictions to be lifted and life to go back to normal, really, there's no going back. We've come so far in this weird COVID journey that we know things will never be the same. They'll just be new and different at best.

Today we're going to break down Alicia's statement and spend some time reflecting on each part of it. We'll look at what letting go can mean, both in terms of COVID and in terms of regular life. We'll explore the now, with all of its discomfort and liminality. And we'll talk about what hanging tight in the strangeness of that now can be like, and how we can find our balance there.

As we move toward the end of the calendar year and those of us in the northern hemisphere deepen into the winter season, the stage is set to support us in a natural process of letting go. Winter is a wonderful teacher for rest and hibernation, releasing what's ready to fall away with the leaves and rest beneath the snow. At the same time the winter holidays focus us on light, life and connection, the earth grows quiet.

If we create some time to sit in the quiet, maybe even in the darkness which begins so early now, and notice what's ready to be released, we may find old things, old beliefs, old hurts, hard feelings that are still hanging around from old relationships, bits and bobs we haven't forgiven others for (or forgiven ourselves for). And we might even find some deeper things like old blankets of shame we've walked around in for years, or things we've carried that maybe aren’t even ours.

Letting go can mean many things. Letting go can mean honoring ourselves for holding these things, honoring the people at the other end of cords, grudges or miscommunications. Letting go can mean laying some things down, letting them drop into the earth. Releasing attachments.

It can also mean releasing expectations. Expectations for a return to normalcy, expectations for simple answers to the complexity of our world today. It can mean allowing the mandala of this moment to exist, all things existing at the same time in the same place. Happy things, joyful things, sad things, heart-wrenching things... all woven together as part of the whole.

Letting go is important for our mental health, our nervous systems, and our basic ability to cope with change. Releasing any rigidity in our body, our mind, and our heart can help us soften and flow with what actually is. But as we've been exploring this season on Shame Piñata, being in the now is not always comfortable or fun or even doable. We may find, when we try to quiet our mind or body that we're quickly distracted by thoughts or sensations. Similar distractions may pop up when we learn of some new scary fact or hear a hard story.

Our nervous systems protect us. It strives to keep us in balance and to block out overwhelm, at least mine does. Sometimes if something is just too much, or there's been too much intensity for too long, I kind of leave the room. My eyes glaze over. The person I'm with knows I'm not really listening anymore. I'm just beyond my tolerance level at that moment.

This is normal. Especially now. I'd love it if we could give ourselves permission, and give others around us permission, to stop for a moment when we pop a nervous system fuse and take a break. Maybe take a breath. Because resistance to overwhelm is actually a healthy and sane response to a crazy situation.

The thing about the now is that it's sort of timeless, right? It's "this now moment", which makes it both a single moment and all time and space at once. How do we make sense of a long string of "this now moments"? We can get kind of lost. It all can become sort of gelatinous. Most of us are used to a schedule or a rhythm of events.... this could be daily... this could be annual. We're used to making sense of things through life rhythms. Summer travel plans, weekly health routines, a daily schedule of meeting or other events.

Liminality itself can be kind of brutal. Marking time, floating... it's almost like we're treading water while we hang out waiting to see how things will land. I was thinking about navigating liminality and an image popped in my head from a music video by the band OKGO.

Stick with me here because I know this is a bit of a jump. If you haven't seen the OKGO video for Upside Down & Inside Out, you need to. Not only because it will help illustrate my point, but also because it's an amazing video. It's the only music video I've ever seen that was filmed in zero gravity, excepting of course Commander Chris Hadfield singing Space Oddity on the International Space Station.

When I think of liminality, I see the OKGO band members swimming around the inside of a plane as it flies in parabolas in the skies over Moscow. The video was filmed on a jet plane that was flying up and down in great sweeps called parabolas. Each parabola gave the band 27 seconds of weightlessness to perform a piece of their zero g choreography. They filmed the video in one take as the plane completed 8 parabolas, pausing in place in between weightless peaks and then cutting out the paused sections.

The video was directed by lead singer Damian Kulash and his sister Trish Sie. In one of the many behind the scenes videos, the two spoke about the process the band went through in learning to move around in a zero gravity environment. Damian said, "Most people's response to weightlessness is just to start swimming," to which Trish added, "It takes some time to train your body not to flail around. Kicking and paddling when you're in the air is not the same as kicking and paddling in water. You just look panicked."

And there are many frames of the band members kicking and flailing around, looking pretty uncomfortable in their first test flights. But by the time they filmed the video, they had found their way around and learned how to glide here or push off that thing to head over there. They were doing complex choreography in periods which bridged the divide from double gravity into weightlessness. They moved almost as efficiently as the aerial dancers they brought in as flight attendants.

I share this image with you to illustrate that it takes some time to find our grace and flow in liminality. We're not born to it. We're used the reliable gravity of our everyday lives. When that basic force is gone, we can feel lost within the task of simply moving from point A to point B. But once we get it, we can do it. We can even find grace in liminality. And as song says, "Gravity's just a habit that you're pretty sure you can't break."

So here we are hanging tight. In this moment. And now in this moment. How can we support ourselves in keeping on going as the moments go by?

Here's a simple ritual sketch you might try out and adapt in any way that support your current situation.

So first we might take a deep breath and sit with the concept of centering. What does centering feel like today? What is center? Where is center? And then we might ground down into the earth and allow our bodies to land and quiet a bit.

As we sit in the stillness, we can begin to notice any energetic cords we are connected to, cords that others may have placed on us, cords we may have put out into the world to keep track of things or to keep our balance. Things we love. Things we fear. Things we're attached to. We can notice those and let them dissolve, connecting instead to ourselves and to the earth, growing a bit heavier as we connect again down.

Amongst the cords we may find expectations or attachments to outcomes. Rigid expectations we might have for ourselves or for others. Rigidity. Need. Attachment. We can play with releasing those, just play, and see what it feels like to be floating safely in the now.

Then we might call to mind a place where we feel safe and good. Maybe a place we've been, or a place we've seen pictures of. A place where there are no worries. A place where we can vision and dream for a bit. And in this place we can ask ourselves, "What's important? What do I know in my core? What's one thing that really matters to me?" and see what comes.

And as images arise, we can quietly let them wash over us. Things we love. Things that matter. Things that define us because of our unwavering connection to them. Timeless things. True things. Core things. And we can welcome these things into our consciousness and thank them for being part of our life and our heart.

And then we might make sure we're still connected to the good earth, take a few deep breaths, and return to the room where we can do some journaling about how to create more connection to those things on a daily basis. How to let them become our anchors during this floaty, liminal time while we're still paddling around in zero gravity.

We can't go back. And there's no forward to go to yet. So for now, we wait. And we float, and we Zoom, and we knit or bake, and wash our hands, and wear masks and make thoughtful choices. There's kind of really just the now. There is simultaneously no return to what was, to the life we had before COVID, and no next life yet.

Let go of the past. Accept the now. Hang tight.

Our music is by Terry Hughes. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast player to make sure you're notified when new episodes are released. Learn more at shamepinata.com. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S1 E15 Deep Rest

Credit Elmer Canas

Episode Summary

What does your body need in order to rest fully? What does your heart need to soften a bit? What would it feel like to rest - not with one ear out for the next crisis - but actually fully rest?

Basic Steps of a Ritual for Deep Rest
1. Set aside concerns
2. Nest building
3. Set an intention
4. Invite guides/guardians/Ancestors
5. Rest in the space
6. Listen in the space
7. Return slowly
8. Have some water

Episode Resources

→ Reparations for Black People Should Include Rest: https://www.vice.com/en/article/d3bbay/sleep-gap-black-slavery-reparations-black-power-naps
→ Black Power Naps: https://blackpowernaps.black/

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

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Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

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Full Transcript

My coworker described how she spent some of her time this past summer. She said she just needed to be on the beach staring at the water. So she did that, while her kids built sand castles and looked for shells. She sat there for several days, just slowing down and doing nothing. Listening to her words, I realized I'd done my summer break completely wrong!

Life is super dynamic right now. There's never a dull moment from the election on the horizon to health issues, natural disasters and a huge leap forward in social justice. How can we be our best? How can we show up as fully as possible? Maybe resting is part of the picture. Not resting with one ear out for the next crisis, but just fully resting.

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas.

Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions.

Today we're going to talk about resting deeply. Like, actually letting go for a whole series of minutes. Putting the world on pause. Putting the phone on do not disturb. Noticing any aversions we might have to letting go and actually doing it.

We'll talk about why rest matters, why we avoid it sometimes, and create ways to find out what is truly restful to us. If resting isn't a challenge for you but you know someone who's chronically on edge, please share this episode with them.

So, what is the point of rest? I often find myself wondering that when I'm feeling short on time, or in crisis mode. Sleeping and even eating can seem like an awful waste of time. Why can't I just get on with it?

Rest actually has several functions. It allows our body to do some basic healing without the added strain of pushing forward. It helps to create a little more space in our heads. It gives us some breathing room. And, it also allows us to process our experiences.

Years ago I was checking out a graduate program in spirituality. During my first visit to campus, I asked several of the students what they wished they had known before they started. They all said hands down they wished they'd taken their time with the program, to have had more time to absorb everything on both an intellectual and a personal level. That was a huge insight for me and it turns out that they were right. That program offered some deep lessons that it would have been a shame to rush through and lose the chance to fully absorb.

This wisdom on integration aligns with what I learned from my favorite yoga teacher about savasana, or corpse pose, which is often done at the very end of yoga class. He said that savasana is actually half of the yoga practice, because it allows our body to integrate the work we've just done. So without those 10 minutes of lying still on our backs on the floor, significant benefits of the class would have been lost.

If resting is so great, why is it difficult sometimes? I invite you to pause for a moment and look around the space you are in. Check out the colors and shapes. Notice a few sounds. Notice your breath. Notice any tension in your body. And I invite you to take a breath that's a bit of a deeper breath than usual or maybe experiment with any wiggles or any small movements that your body might like to make in this moment, in “this now moment” (as the saying goes).

Throughout this pandemic, I'm learning that “this now moment” can be a pretty uncomfortable place. The liminality, the uncertainty, the watching, the waiting... all bring challenges I've never had to deal with before. And they can be very unsettling and uncomfortable. And I think that's why rest has eluded me. Because resting is an in-the-moment thing. Deep rest, where I'm not trying to figure things out, or creating small problems as a distraction from the bigger ones, or distracting myself with excessive work or eating or television. But actually resting in “this now moment”.

Alongside thinking about rest I’ve also been thinking about how to unpack my white privilege. I decided to learn about how rest is different for different people. I know that white people can have expectations of safety and comfort that are not shared by black indigenous and people of color. I found a great article by Janine Francois who researches race, racism and cultural heritage. In her 2019 piece called "Reparations for Black People Should Include Rest", she writes the following.

"Time, as we know it, is a colonial invention and forms the backbone of American society, making the racial distribution of time inherent to white privilege. As whiteness dictates freedom, education, pleasure, and social mobility, have you ever wondered why so many of those considered to be our “greatest” artists or philosophers are white men? Who among us has the access to time to make “masterpieces” or to “think,” without dealing with the impacts of oppression? Racism robs us of our time to be creative, to dream or simply be."

Janine goes on to share an elaborate description of her experience of the Black Power Naps exhibit at the Matadero Madrid Contemporary Art Center in Spain. Black Power Naps, created by Navild Acosta & Fannie Sosa, is a sculptural installation, vibrational device and curatorial initiative that reclaims laziness and idleness as power. I encourage you to learn more at https://blackpowernaps.black/

When I think about what kind of rest I need right now, I notice that I need different rest than normal, deeper rest than normal. With so much going on that's so heavy and important, I need extra time to process right now. I need a serious savasana. I need time to, as I call it, stare at the walls. That time needs to be very slow. So I made a list of thing that are slow and nurturing to me, things like reading, bird watching, cloudspotting. Being at the beach, being in water. Wordless time. Time in silence. Time surrounded by the music I love.

At my graduate school, there was a room called The Cave. It was an interior room with no windows, and it was kept very dark. It had an altar with a few candles burning all the time and some beautiful Tibetan wall hangings. When it wasn't being used for drumming circles or meditation classes, it was available to just go sit in. I loved walking into it in the middle of the day, feeling the quiet pressing in on me. Getting lost in the dark. Sometimes I could hear a bit of conversation at the front desk, because there was a vent in the wall right there, but usually it was quiet. The Cave was the heart of the campus, because we all knew how important that deep, quiet, personal resting place was. That place where we might better hear the wisdom inside of us, that place where we could process the experiences of the day.

If the first step is making a list of the things that are deeply restful, the second is to schedule time for them. I've been playing with this for a month or so and am finding it to be a rich source of self-support. So I encourage you to consider calendaring some deep rest. Maybe a half hour a day of deep rest?

Another way to drop into deep rest is to use ceremony as a container. Here is a simple ritual sketch to do just that.

A first step might be to make a quick list of everything we don't want to forget, everything that we need to hold onto. Make a list, honor the things we wrote down as very important and worthy of our energy, and make a conscious decision to set them aside for a while. Let them go, let them be held by something or someone. We could set the list in a box where we know it won't get blown away or lost, or even give it to a friend to hold (in real life or in our imagination).

Then, when we’re ready, we might do some nesting. Gather everything that we will help our body relax completely. Pillows, blankets, cover the windows, put on some relaxing music, maybe a bath would be nice. Maybe if we have a stuffed animal, that might even be nice to hold. What feels deeply nurturing? What helps us feel safe?

Then we might create sacred space or create the container in whatever way feels right to us - calling the circle, casting the circle, saying a prayer, lighting a candle - creating the container.

I think with deep rest it can sometimes be helpful to have some company. We might call in a beloved Ancestor or Spirit Guide or a deity we work with. Call them in, invoke them, welcome them to the circle.

And then we can rest, relax the body, do some deep breathing to balance out the hard edges, follow the flow of any emotions that arise, let ourselves drift, dream, imagine, journey. Rest in the space. Listen in the space. Allow some of that deep healing to filter up through us in the space. There is no one way to do it. There's no right way to do it. Our intuition will lead the way, allowing our breathing and our body to follow.

When the music ends or we feel complete, we want to come back very gently. If we're lying on our back, we might roll to one side and lie there for a bit. Then sit up slowly and have some water and maybe journal.

Just as we took time to create the space as we went in, it's really important to come out slowly. And it's also nice to thank and release anyone we called in, and then open the container. The very last thing we might do is to really honor and appreciate ourselves for having taken the time to do some deep resting.

I encourage you to think about what would be most nurturing and restful to you this week. It might be nature, some kind of making or crafting, dance, movement, meditation, taking a nap in sacred space, taking a nap in regular space, anything that helps you slow down and be in the moment - your moment that you create as your "this now moment".

Our music is by Terry Hughes. If you like the show, please take a minute to review it on Apple Podcasts. That’s one of the best ways we can help other people find the show. Learn more at shamepinata.com. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S1 E13 Being in a Body

Episode Summary

Even if it's not our natural disaster, even if no one we know has COVID, all of the chaos of this moment is affecting us. It's affecting our body. What can we do to begin to work with these strong feelings, these strong events, fears, moments, dynamics? How can we let our body help us find a way through?

Episode Resources

→ When Loss Hurts: 6 Physical Effects of Grief: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/when-loss-hurts-6-physical-effects-of-grief-0520187
→ When Grief Gets Physical: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-grief/201909/when-grief-gets-physical
→ Between the World and Me: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/07/tanehisi-coates-between-the-world-and-me/397619/

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

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Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

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Full Transcript

The unique challenges of this time are affecting us at a survival level. They may be bringing up feelings we've never felt before. It can help to realize that some of their potency comes from the fact that they are landing on a very foundational piece of who we are and what it means to be alive.

Even if it's not our natural disaster, even if no one we know has COVID, all of the chaos of this moment is affecting us. It's affecting our body. What can we do to begin to work with these strong feelings, these strong events, fears, moment, dynamics? How can we let our body help us find a way through?

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions.

With the uptick in natural disasters lately, I realized that this might be a good time to talk about how very fragile being in body can be. And how important and how amazing.

You might be one of those people who never thinks much about your body, maybe you live in your head a lot, or you're young and carefree, or you just don't think about it. And you might have a body that's talks to you loudly and in no uncertain terms with, a body with which you've had to develop a relationship.

Either way, your body is affected by your thoughts, your stress levels, your hormones, and also what's going on around you.

The 1st chakra is where body meets spirit. I often find that when things are happening, the more serious things, the more base-level survival type things, we can get triggered at the 1st chakra level.

The 1st chakra, at the base of our spine, is all about being in a body. It's about food, shelter and clothing. It's about safe passage and basic survival. It's one of the first chakras to awaken when we're born. It's all about being alive.

Some of us are lucky enough to live in a world where we don't need to worry about basic survival needs on a day to day basis. Instead, our energies are free to move on into creative expression and philosophy and critical analysis. But when those moments of basic needs arise, they are the sole focus. How am I going to pay the rent? Where will I source food I can eat? I have to find a safe place to sleep. These are all basic needs.

So in these moments when basic needs are going on for us or even just around us, we can get tripped up and kinda stuck at that first chakra level. Things like COVID, which brings not only fear of illness, but also fears of losing our loved ones. And for some of us, that trips up other base level need considerations because losing a loved one could mean losing our home if we can't afford the rent or mortgage on our own. We've also seen massive job losses with COVID, which can directly affect where we can afford to live and what kind of foods we can purchase.

Body. These considerations are all about being in a body, a body that needs food and shelter, a body that can get sick. A body that can die.

Stress and pressure from the ongoing isolation and vigilance and social distancing can have physical manifestations. I know for me and many of the people in my life, stress is starting to take a physical toll. Flare ups of long term conditions, new aches & pains, a changing relationship with food, insomnia. We can't get a massage, the gym is closed, we are having to learn and sometimes create new ways of caring for our bodies. And, the big one, physical touch is now dangerous. How crazy is that?

Body. These considerations are all about being in a body, a body that needs deep breathing and calm, a body that needs touch.

At the same time we are in a moment of profound change where black bodies and white bodies are becoming more visible. Protestors of all races are putting their bodies directly in the path of police brutality, some for the first time. And the words of Ta Nihisi Coats are still echoing from his 2015 book "Beyond the World and Me", a letter to his son. '"But all our phrasing—race relations, racial chasm, racial justice, racial profiling, white privilege, even white supremacy—serves to obscure that racism is a visceral experience... You must never look away from this. You must always remember that the sociology, the history, the economics, the graphs, the charts, the regressions all land, with great violence, upon the body."

Body. These considerations are all about being in a body, a body that can be subject to cruelty and fear, a body that has the right to exist free from violence and threats of violence.

And then also, the natural disasters going on this month have brought their own 1st chakra challenges and wake up calls. Hurricane Laura hit the southern states as one of the most powerful storms to ever hit the US. A fire in a chemical plant after the storm spread toxic smoke throughout the area. 1.5 million people were told to evacuate, during a pandemic. And in the west the wildfires sent even more people away from the shelter of home, some unable to return. And thick smoke turned skies gray and the sun red for weeks.

Again, body. These considerations are all about being in a body, a body that lives on a planet going through great distress during climate change, a body that needs safety from the natural elements.

And lastly, grief. I don't know about you, but I'm not always present to the grief in the world because it can be a little overwhelming. There's the personal grief of losing a friend, the communal grief of losing a community held together by a business that closed, the collective grief of watching so many people die from COVID, and the global grief of watching our planet in so much pain.

Grief shows up in the body. Grief is not just about crying, anger and depression, grief can bring a host of physical reactions. It was a huge relief to me to learn after my dad died that physical reactions were a big part of grief. I'll include some links in the show notes about this if you'd like to learn more, but suffice to say grief can cause inflammation, increased blood pressure, chest pain, nausea, confusion, headaches and muscle weakness.

Body. These considerations are all about being in a body, a body that is connected to the whole, a body whose heart aches when it sees grief and loss.

So what we do with this information, this rather sobering list of all of the ways our bodies are being triggered right now? Probably one of the best things we can do is stay connected to our bodies, by bringing a gentle awareness as we live our lives. Directing a bit of our attention and compassion to our body, just like we would to a friend who was hanging out with us. Just a soft presence, a sense of, "Hey. How you doing? I'm here." And it can also be helpful to notice our dialog with our body. What kind of words are we saying in our head about or to our body? Do our words come from a place of lack or judgement? And if so, what might it be like to give our body the benefit of the doubt, to treat our body like a friend?

I know that pain, weakness, and illness can sometimes feel like our body is betraying us. Like, "I want to do that thing but I can't 'cause of my friggin' body!" and that's a real thing. It's frustrating. Believe me, I know. And maybe our body isn't trying to hurt us or limit us. Maybe there's some kind of wisdom in there that we can benefit from if we can listen to it.

There are ways we can create sacred space and ritual around honoring our body too. If we want, we can grab a journal and take it to a quiet place where we can be alone for a while. Maybe do some deep breathing or light a candle to create an intentional space. It might be interesting to write out a list of any items that are affecting us at that 1st chakra level. Then we can feel into each of them and see what we can discover. Maybe some of the fear isn't ours. Maybe we're holding old, Ancestral energies around some of the challenges. We can choose an item to put on our altar for each concern, or perhaps pick a tarot card to gain deeper insight into it. We can journal about them and ask ourselves, what do I need for each one? Love, movement, tears, support? Something practical? Something energetic? What am I learning about each one? The idea would be to really honor each concern, each deep life event and let the energy around it move. Then we could rest, reflect, journal and open the space.

So I encourage you to spend some quality time with your body. Almost like going on a date. Do something you body wants to do. Or don't do something your body doesn't want to do. Take a long walk in the evening when it's cool. Get takeout from your favorite restaurant. Skip the alcohol your brain is saying will make you feel better. Stretch more. Breathe way more. Take that online improv class you're scared of. Put on your favorite music and dance. Your body knows how to process the extra energy at the 1st chakra. In fact, nothing can process it better than your body. Just listen and learn.

Before we go, we're taking a survey of our listeners, and we'd love for you to participate. It will help us learn more about you - no matter how long you've been a listener or how frequently you listen to the show. So please take a few minutes and visit our website at shamepinata.com. You'll find the listener survey link right on that page. To offer our thanks to you for taking the time to share your reflections on the show, we'll send you a 5-minute centering meditation.

Our music is by Terry Hughes. If you like the show, please take a minute to review it on Apple Podcasts. Your review will help more people find the show. Learn more at shamepinata.com. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S1 E11 How To Be Strong

Episode Summary

How do we keep moving forward in a world that doesn't feel like ours anymore? We need grit to stay strong and we need resilience to stay flexible. Join us for a simple ceremony to do both.

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

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Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

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Full Transcript

There's a quote that really speaks to me right now. It's by writer Catherine DeVrye. It goes, “Like tiny seeds with potent power to push through tough ground and become mighty trees, we hold innate reserves of unimaginable strength. We are resilient.”

It's turning into the long haul now, isn't it? The daily push to make it day to day with COVID is getting a little draining and we're all getting a little worn out. But we need to stay strong and keep our focus. There's a way to reconnect to our strength and build resilience. All it takes is some time and focus and maybe a strong Ancestor or two.

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas. Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. So, it's been a while now that we've been doing the COVID dance. It's not so scary and new anymore, but it's still a big wildcard in our lives that might get us at any time and that can be pretty draining. It creates that kind of tension where if we sit still with it for too long, it gets overwhelming.

Ever since this saga began, I've been thinking about my Ancestors who lived through wars and other extended times of great difficulty. How did they do it? How did they keep going when things were falling apart around them? Did they ever feel like they just couldn't do it anymore? Did they ask questions like, "When will it get better? When can we get back to normal?" Was there any point at which they stopped asking those questions?

Today we're going to talk about grit and resilience. How do we keep going over the long haul? How do we keep moving forward in a world that doesn't feel like ours anymore?

Merriam-Webster defines grit as "firmness of mind or spirit : unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger". That's what our Ancestors had to have had, or developed over time. We need these traits today to stay the course right now. To keep taking whatever precautions the CDC is recommending, to continue to carefully follow the safety routines we've established at home or work, to get out of bed and figure out another day in liminal space.

But that firmness of mind and unyielding courage needs to come from somewhere. Most of us are digging deep into our reserves to pull that off so we also need to develop resilience in order to bounce back from the stress of day to day life right now. Merriam-Webster defines resilience as "an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change." Yes. That's what we need.

So how can we develop that ability? Sometimes simple things can help. I put a sign on the wall when pandemic started that says: breathe, hydrate, blood sugar, sleep, laugh, cry. It helps me to remember to return to basics on a daily basis - and every day I need the reminder. Another thing we can do is ceremony.

If we were going to build a ceremony focused on grit and resilience, you and I, we might first want to look around and identify an object or image that speaks of courage to us. You might dig out something a bold friend gave you, someone you really admire. I might grab a picture of a hearty Ancestor or an image of my favorite superhero. We could also grab something we could wear, or keep in our pocket, like a bracelet made of beads or even just a cord, or a rock from the shores of a lake that's seen tough winters. Something that makes us feel stronger when we look at it or hold it.

We might bring this object to a quiet space, somewhere we won't be disturbed for a little while, along with some pen and paper. Once here, we might just sit and breathe for a bit. Deep breaths like this. Notice what we're sitting on. Notice what we're hearing. Notice how our clothes feel against our skin.

One way to transition from everyday life into a more ceremonial space is to make a list of current worries and concerns, especially right now, to get them out of our way for a little while. We might set a time for 2 minutes and just write down everything that's banging around in our heads. When the timer goes off, we can look at the list and think, "Wow, that's a LOT!" and put the paper down.

Then we might begin to welcome any feelings of resistance in us that just don't want to do this anymore. We can breathe into them. Yes, this is hard. So hard. It's sad. And it's heartbreaking. And it's infuriating. And it's... you fill in the blank. This is a chance to really get in touch with any voice inside us that says, "No. I'm not doing this anymore No, no, no, no, no, no!" There are so many strategies we have for not being present to something that is hard. Shopping, overeating, drinking too much, zoning out on social media. The parts of us that engage in these behaviors really do need a break. They need an opportunity to say no and have that honored.

So, we can let them say no. And if we feel moved, we can write from their voice or get up and stomp around, or punch pillows, or anything that lets out some of that No energy and doesn't hurt ourselves or anyone around us.

And when that process feels complete, and that voice feels really, actually heard and taken seriously, we can turn to our object and see what it sparks in us about courage and strength, about moving on when that feels super hard or even impossible. This might be a time to drop into a meditation focusing on the strength we are wanting to call into our lives or do more writing or movement about that. A meditation might look like remembering what our body feels like when we feel bold, strong, and brave. We might call to mind a time when we took a risk and came out on top, when we survived a big personal challenge and really bring that feeling back into our body. What did it feel like to survive? What was going on in our body the moment we realized, "I made it. I did the thing, the incredibly hard thing I thought I couldn't do!" What did that feel like?

When we have a true sense of the strength we are calling in, we can send it into that object, imbuing it with all of that good, strong, solid energy - really bathing the object in it. Maybe inviting in some extra energy from that strong Ancestor or from the Spirit realm, if we work with the Spirit realm. Just letting the object fill up with our intention. This is called programming an object. It's something that's often done with crystals. It's a powerful process of charging an object with an intention so that it will forever be a touchstone of that intention.

When that process feels complete, we might take a few minutes to thank the object and send gratitude to that strong Ancestor or friend or the creators of that superhero. And we might also send a bit of gratitude to ourselves for being willing to keep going even when it's hard. Then, we can close by taking a few more centering breaths and having something to eat.

After the ceremony, we might place this object somewhere where we will see it often, maybe on our desk, maybe on the mantel, or in the kitchen window. If it's wearable, we can wear it or keep it in a pocket. A neat thing about filling an object with this kind of intention is that no one else has to ever know. To them, it might look like the old DVD of our favorite superhero movie is just around for decoration. But when we see it, we will shift a little deeper into that knowing.

So as you move forward with grit, I encourage you to find ways to build resilience through weaving ceremony into your life. It's a wonderful tool that is always there for you at a moment's notice.

Before we go, you're going to hear me say this for the next couple months: We're taking a survey of our listeners, and we'd love for you to participate. It will help us learn more about you - no matter how long you've been a listener or how frequently you listen to the show. So please take a few minutes and visit our website at shamepinata.com. You'll find the listener survey link right on that page. To offer our thanks to you for taking the time to share your reflections on the show, we'll send you a 5-minute centering meditation. And there is a way to complete the survey anonymously and still receive the meditation!

Our music is by Terry Hughes. If you like the show, please follow us on Facebook where we share engaging resources about ceremony in our everyday lives. I'm Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S1 E9 A Ritual for Flow

Credit Chris Lawton

Episode Summary

In these less than normal times, when the world is crying out for change, it can be difficult to tell which way is up, let alone make decisions on how to move forward. But liminality offers us the opportunity to slow down and look within. What if we could find a way to flow with the chaos? What if, inside, we actually know what we need to do next?

Here are some steps to create a ritual for flow:
1. Create a quiet space.
2. Slow down and center.
3. Notice the words, phrases and images in our head.
4. Find ourselves in the center of the chaos.
5. Follow our intuition and go with the flow of the moment.
6. Jot any ideas or plans down to consider later.
7. Rest the body for a few moments if possible.
8. Eat! And review the list of ideas we made earlier.

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

---

Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

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Full Transcript

We are in a liminal space. We are between the worlds. We have left the pre-COVID world behind us and moved onto the path toward a new reality. What will it bring?

In these less than normal times, when the world is crying out for change, it can be difficult to tell which way is up, let alone make decisions on how to move forward. But liminality offers us the opportunity to slow down and look within. What if we could find a way to flow with the chaos? What if, inside, we actually know what we need to do next? This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas.

Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. If you've been listening to Shame Piñata for a while, you know that we began season 1 with a focus on weddings & commitment ceremonies. However, since COVID-19 came on the scene, we have been dividing our time between talking about the commitment ceremony we might one day plan and building ceremonies we can do right now to help with day to day life in the middle of a pandemic.

We started with a simple ceremony to release fear and center in our strength as the pandemic began in March, then moved on to a ritual to release overwhelm. That one has been very popular, by the way, as it continues to be a useful practice. I'll put a link in the show notes if you'd like to know more.

Today we are going to spend some time talking about flow. And chaos. And flow. Because we are now not only surfing a pandemic, but also birthing a new world. The protests that are happening in response to the police killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and many other Black people have pitted protesters against the police and changed the focus of everything. It's been a whirlwind and continues to be. Today we will create space to find out what this chaos and flow is offering us, and how we can learn, grow, and move with it.

But right now, before we go any further, I want to point out that I am a white person with a white voice. And it's wonderful that you're listening because I love to talk ritual with you, but I want to make sure that you are also surrounding yourself with Black voices right now and always. So check the show notes for links to four of my favorite podcasts: Color Me Conscious, Code Switch, The Stoop, and About Race with Reni Eddo-Lodge. Go ahead and check the show notes now, while we listen to some music.

In creating ceremony, the first thing we want to do is to find a time where we won't be disturbed, in this case maybe an hour. If this is unrealistic for you, given your whole family is under one roof 24/7, maybe try for 20-30 minutes. It will also be helpful to have a little bit of space to move around and you might also find it useful to have access to music, a journal, and some water.

Once we're in a quiet space, we want to just slow down. Just sit. And breathe. Notice. What sounds do we hear? How does the floor feel against our bare feet or our stocking feet? What does it feel like to have a closed door in between us and the rest of the household? Or what does it feel like to be sitting still and listen to the sounds of an empty house? Notice. How are we breathing? Can we count from 1-10 on our breaths?

After we begin to quiet down a little bit, we can expand our noticing to what is going on inside of us. What words and phrases are swirling through our head? What images are still there from something we saw this morning or last night? The words of a friend, a voice from the protests, an image from the news, an image from our worries and fears. We're just noticing, still. We are making little piles of the things that are in our heads, like making piles of coins on the table as we empty our pockets. The things we have collected over time, the images we have been carrying around with us. We can write them down or speak them out loud to witness them. So, we take time for that.

These things, words, phrases, images are part of the mandala of this moment, this expanded, crappy, wonderful, awful, beautiful moment. Each moment is always so many things at the same time. We're just noticing. Noticing and setting a few of these things down as we gently look through them all. It's important here to be organic. Let it be messy. Yes, we're setting down each thing, but we're not trying to organize them. We're in process, everything is moving. We allow everything. We allow all of me and we allow all of you.

Now that we've slowed down and taken a simple inventory of some of what we've been holding, it's time to center. It's time to find ourself in the midst of chaos, find ourself at the center of the wheel. What can be helpful here is to bring our attention to a single thing. The tip of our nose. A pinkie finger. One thing about ourself that feels true. A memory from earlier in the year, a simple, clear moment, maybe a boring moment. And now that we're centered, we become conscious again of the chaos and change swirling around us. We feel into it and notice what wants to move. What's already moving and inviting us along? Where are we being led? What's the pull? What do we want to do with this energy?

Now, this is a moment when the mind will most likely jump and start thinking of Things. To. Do. That's fine, that's what the mind is for. And that's what the journal is for - to jot those ideas down, ideas like take a class, attend a protest, read a book, call a friend. So we will write those down to save them for later, and return to the intuition. For now, we will be intuitive, let our body lead, follow our impulses, let whatever wants to move be birthed through us. We can cry, move, dance, scream, connect to the Ancestors, make art, pray or just sit and notice the energy of the moment.

Once we get into the intuitive flow, we want to really give ourselves a chunk of time to stay in it. This is the healing part of the ceremony, this is where the change is happening. This is where we are making sense of the chaos, where we are letting go of the river bank and giving in to the pull of the water. We want to do lots of deep breathing because energy moves on the breath. So we follow the flow as long as it asks us to, and when we're ready, we allow the activity to come to a natural close and give ourselves time to fully feel any emotions that have come up.

To transition out of the ceremony, we will take time for lie down and rest if possible, to allow the shifts to integrate. Maybe give thanks or think of things we are grateful for. And then when we feel ready, we will be sure to drink lots of water and eat something!

While we're eating, we can review the list we made of all the things our mind suggested we might want to do next and scratch somethings off or add some new ideas. It might not be a bad thing to add some ideas for self-care, things like remembering to keep breathing, get good sleep, keep our blood sugar even, stay hydrated, and make room for laughter and tears. While we're are at it, we can pick one or two of the podcasts from our show notes to check out this week.

As humans, we are not comfortable living in liminality. We like things to be straightforward, known, and predictable. Right now we are all in between the world we used to inhabit and the next one. I hope this simple ceremony provides you with a template to build one for yourself or for your community so that you can recharge and center and return to the important work of building the new world.

Our music is by Terry Hughes. If you like our show, please take a minute to share it with a friend. That is one of the very best ways you can support this new baby show. Learn more at shamepinata.com. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S1 E7 Releasing Overwhelm

Credit Todd Trapani

Episode Summary

With so many things happening at once, it's easy for the nervous system to become overwhelmed. When this happens, it's hard to think, it's hard to function. We have the power to gain a bit of distance from what is coming at us by doing a simple ceremony to release overwhelm.

Episode Resources

→ Bessel Van der Kolk: https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

---

Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

---

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Full Transcript

Thomas: Maybe never returning to school... people dying which is going to happen... not being able to save people from dying...

This is me typing out a list of my overwhelm. In the closet at 11pm at night.

Thomas: Just feeling so small in all of it... my chest hurts...

There are so many things happening at once. So many things we cannot control. So many fears and concerns.

Thomas: Him losing his job...

How do we make sense of the chaos and honor the deep emotions coming from our bodies while simultaneously holding it all together for the people around us?

Powerful, strong emotions can flow through our bodies during times of transition as stress hormones are released and our nervous system goes haywire. This is kind of day to day life right now during COVID-19. But we don't have to keep swimming in overwhelm. We can take time to get a bit of distance from it. Join me for a simple ceremony you can do to release today's overwhelm. This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas.

Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. As the world continues to deal with the challenges brought by the coronavirus COVID-19, we are here to remind you (as we are wont to do) that ceremony and ritual can play a key role in helping us deal with change.

Think back on your daily life in early February of 2020. Now imagine listing all of the changes, both large and small, that have happened since then. Not enough paper, right? In fact, why even bother? There are more important things to be doing right now. Filing for unemployment, checking on friends and family, sourcing food, keeping a roof over our heads.

Many of us have moved into a new reality that is all about flow and adjustment as the situation rapidly changes around us. Heartbreak and grief mingle with practical decisions and best guesses as we put one foot in front of the other and just keep going.

And, when there is time, when there is a moment of quiet that permits reflection, we might notice that we're kinda just holding too much. We've all been through an insane amount of change recently and we may not be feeling as grounded and calm as we want to be.

A few weeks ago I shared a simple ritual to shake off fear and center in our strength. Today we will build a simple ceremony to release some of the overwhelm.

There are certain core components that I feel are important to include in all ceremonies right now. They include honoring our body wisdom, deeply leaning into the breath, creating connection across the Zoomspace, and using trauma-sensitive language.

I will pause here to invite you to remember what breathing feels like. If it feels good to you, take a deep breath in... and out. And another all the way in and out, totally emptying. And a third deep breath in... and out. The invitation is to keep breathing throughout the rest of this episode, mainly just to remember how to do it, how to breathe very deeply, in a way that lets your body know you are here and that you are paying attention.

So, trauma-sensitive. Why do we want to make ceremony trauma-sensitive right now? Well, because everything thing should be trauma-sensitive right now! Awareness and development of new tools to help mitigate the effects of trauma have been pioneered by experts like Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. The goal of using trauma-sensitive practices are to help us regain comfort in our bodies, keep us out of our heads, and improve our nervous system's ability to self-regulate. So, what does that look like within the context of ceremony?

The ways I have included trauma-sensitive language into my ceremonies are three-fold. First, all instructions are offered as invitations, meaning all participants are welcome to completely ignore the instructions. Trauma can make us feel frozen and limited and we need to practice taking our freedom so we create a welcoming space for that.

Secondly, participants can leave the Zoom meeting at any time. They can come and go as they please. The one caveat here is that I will check in with them later if they leave and don't come back, just to be sure they’re okay.

Lastly, the I try to use invitation language, for example, "Consider closing your eyes, if that is comfortable for you” or "If you want, take a deep breath and extend your spine tall". Again, we are so very trained to follow directions. This language helps us to remember that we have a choice, to see how our nervous system reacts to having a choice, and to practice making a choice.

So now that we've discussed the core components, let's move on to the content. We've gathered everyone together, reviewed the idea of deepening into the breath during our time together, and gone over a few group norms.

Now we want to check in. Everyone gets a short amount of time to say what's going on for them in the moment. How are they doing? What has their day been like so far? This basic check-in does several things. It allows everyone to get their voice into the circle, gives everyone a feel of the room, and allows folks to share the things that are on the very top of their mind, which in turn allows them to release these things and be ready to absorb new information. Check-ins are an important part of allowing everyone to arrive in the space. We often use a timer for check-ins, especially with large groups. 3 minutes per person is a good length, with another minute available upon request.

Next it can be helpful to lead some sort of centering activity, such as a meditation or visualization. This quiets the mind and allows everyone to find a moment of peace. It’s practice in letting go for just a few minutes - and that is such important practice right now.

Then we are ready to move onto the meat of the ritual, or the tofu of the ritual as some people call it. Everyone is invited to grab some paper or a journal and write down anything and everything they’re holding onto that just feels like it's too much right now. You heard some of my list at the top of the show. The idea is just to make a list of everything that's hard, or worrisome, or uncomfortable, or scary or even worse. It can take a while to get it all out.

After a period of writing, the group comes back together and everyone is invited to share a few things from their list if they’d like to. This is an opportunity to have the hard things witnessed, to allow others help us shoulder some of the burdens and hear that we're not crazy for worrying about something, even something really small. It's a chance to be vulnerable and real, and an opportunity we don't necessarily get in day to day life because everyone is doing their best to hold it together and no one wants to be the person who loses it.

Once these items have been witnessed, it's time to release them. Since we're not all sitting around a bonfire we can handily toss our papers into, we have another short meditation in which we light a candle in our minds for every item on our list, a candle for every item we heard shared, and a few more candles for the things that were left unsaid or those that are not yet speech-ripe. We light the candles to honor each of these things, each is important, each is real. And the we let them go.

Now that we have released these worries and concerns, we need to fill in the empty spaces with ourselves and the things we love. Because if we don't do that, something else will fill that space, and it might just be more fear and worry!

To fill back up, we use a tool called a Gold Sun. Lewis Bostwick developed this tool at the Berkeley Psychic Institute in then 1970's. You can do a Gold Sun right now. If you’d like, take a breath and get centered. Consider rubbing your hands together and then shaking them off, like you are shaking water off of them. Then if it feels good, rub them together again to wake up your palms and bring your hands above your head as if you are holding a giant beach ball. This is your gold sun. Consider closing your eyes and filling it with everything you most love about yourself, all of the ways you are special, all of the love your favorite relative has for you, or the way your dog looks at you. Just fill it till it's completely full, then slowly lower your hands and bring the ball of energy down into your body. Let it filter into all of the crevices. Let it fill all of you.

If you have trouble connecting to the things you love about yourself, you can focus on the things you most love in life: chocolate, coffee, naps in the sun, the most beautiful place you've ever visited. Your Gold Sun is always above your head waiting for you to bring it in consciously.

After everyone is filled back up, we take some time to share insights and close the circle. Another short meditation can be helpful here to help everyone center again and really scoop up and digest the changes the ritual has brought. Everyone is reminded to take some time afterward to rest and do something simple and relaxing, if possible.

Folks can release the physical papers they wrote on in whatever way feels good to them. Burn them, tear them up into little pieces, anything that bring a sense of final release. It's important to note here that physical items used in sacred space absorb the intention placed on them. In a sense they become sacred or magical and as such, some people feel it is important to treat them with a certain level of respect. You can certainly just recycle the papers you wrote on, but you might also feel into what that feels like. Does that feel like the right release? It might and it might not. Trust you gut.

Thank you so much for joining me for this second COVID-19 ritual discussion. I've been doing this ritual for two weeks now and it's become a basic component of my self-care. There is simply SO MUCH that we can work with right now using the tool of ritual or ceremony. I encourage you to develop your own rituals to honor what is heavy on your heart, to release what is weighing you down, to celebrate what you hold dear.

If you’d like to join us for a ceremony, visit shamepinata.com to sign up and learn more. Our music is by Terry Hughes. If you like our show, please take a minute to review it on Apple Podcasts or share it with a friend. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.

S1 E5 A Ritual for Balance

Credit Jeppe Hove Jensen

Episode Summary

Looking for a way to respond to COVID-19 beyond social distancing? Here’s a simple ceremony that can help you find your center again.

Basic Steps of a Ritual for Balance
1. Breathe
2. Center
3. Connect with something bigger
4. Presence & release fear (shake, yell, cry)
5. Connect with strength
6. Create a touchstone (art, writing, music)
7. Close in gratitude
8. Eat
9. Be gentle for the next few hours

Episodes by Topic

→ Episodes on Rites of Passage: https://ever-changing.net/rites-of-passage 

→ Episodes on Authentic Weddings: https://ever-changing.net/authentic-weddings 

→ Episodes on Grief & Loss: https://ever-changing.net/grief-loss 

→ Episodes on Challenging Times: https://ever-changing.net/challenging-times 

Support the Show

→ Subscribe In Your Favorite Player: https://kite.link/shamepinata 

→ Rate & Review: https://ever-changing.net/rate-sp 

About the Show

Shame Piñata is hosted by Ritual Artist Colleen Thomas, a Certified Meditation and Mindfulness teacher who helps people make sense of life through ceremony. Music by Terry Hughes.

Listen If

→ You’re feeling stuck

→ You’re going through a tough time

→ Something significant has happened and no one gets it

---

Love Shame Piñata?
Subscribe on iTunes | Follow on Spotify
Follow on Instagram | Connect on Facebook
Join us for a Ceremony | Follow on Podchaser

---

---

Full Transcript

This week I know we’re all dealing with major disruptions due to the coronovirus COVID-19. A friend recently asked me what a ritual to cope with the changes would look like. I jotted down the first things that came to mind and sent them off to her. Then came her response: So when are we doing this?

Ceremony has the power to can create a container to hold the strong emotions that are a natural part of life transitions. That’s what makes rite of passage rituals so helpful to us as we grown and change. But rites of passage are not limited to coming of age ceremonies. We can create our own rituals as the need arises. Well, I would say the need is here. We are in a big transition. And ritual can help.

This is Shame Piñata. I’m Colleen Thomas.

Welcome to Shame Piñata, where we talk about creating rites of passage for real-life transitions. Ok, so wow. We are in some kind of transition right now. Oh my goodness.

As of today, my husband and I have been in isolation to prevent the spread of the coronavirus for 3 weeks. Schools are closed. Many people are working from home. The Tonight Show is being taped in Jimmy Fallon’s living room. Workers in essential service fields are on the front lines, providing support in infrastructure industries, hospitals, fire & police stations and grocery stores. We have been asked to stay 6 feet away from one another to slow the spread of the virus.

These new limitations alongside the stresses of an unknown future have birthed a great desire to reach out to the people we love, and that need has birthed an explosion of creative ways to connect. Meetings and classes are being held online. Families are group chatting. Couples are live-streaming their weddings. This week I attended a wide variety of online events including work meetings, meditation circles, a talking circle, a mini high-school reunion, a disco party - and that COVID-19 ceremony I mentioned at the top of the show.

I’m here to share the ideas with you that first came to me when my friend asked about creating a ceremony about COVID-19 and also to let you know how the ceremony turned out.

The first thing we need to do in a ritual to find balance amid COVID-19 is to reacquaint our nervous system with the concept of the breath. Think about it. When we are hovering close to a fight or flight response, or just really scared, our breath becomes much more shallow that it is in regular life, which for most of us is pretty shallow to begin with. So one of the very best things we can do right now is to breathe. And I don’t mean just take a few deep breaths, I mean dedicate a chunk of time to consciously breathing. Reacquaint your body with deep belly breaths.

Let’s give it a try right now. Let’s take three very deep breaths together just to practice. It's okay, no one is watching. Just breathe with me. Okay, we're going to breathe in... nice and deep. And breathe out. Okay, another... breathe in... all the way, all the way... and breathe out. And one more time, breathe in... all the way in... and out. Good job! Thanks for giving that a try.

Now, I invite you to keep breathing deeply throughout the rest of this episode. You might notice that your body is resistant to breathing deeply if you’ve been running a lot of fear energy. That’s normal. But trust me, you will actually be able to handle all manner of challenges with greater flexibility and resourcefulness if you are breathing well.

So this fear we have been feeling, it's not just ours. That's one of the reasons it's so strong. Right now there is a great deal of collective fear and trauma world-wide. So the second thing we need to do in a COVID-19 ritual is to unplug from that. And that actually also requires us to unplug from any past traumas that are currently reactivated. Easier said than done. But possible. So step one is to breathe and step two is to unplug from the network of fear and center back in our selves.

You probably have innate ways of centering in yourself. Running may center you, or meditating, connecting with a higher power, or thinking about the people you love. Whatever it is, that's our next step. It's helpful to connect with something that's bigger than ourselves as we center. It helps us feel less alone and fragile. Keep breathing.

Now, once we are centered, our next step is to presence and release our emotional energy and fear. Loud music can help here. We will shake, yell, cry, let our bodies just shake. it. off. Again, we're not only shaking off our own fear, but the fears we've absorbed from the people around us and the media we have consumed. We'll give it a good 5-10 minutes of dedicated shaking, dancing, stretching, and moving until we find ourselves at the core of all that junk. Just the selves we've always been. Just plain old us minus the overcoat of fear.

With the fear released or at least lessened, we can now connect at an even deeper level with our center and begin to remember how strong we are. We can call on images and people in our lives that speak strength to us. Wonderfully strong historical figures we admire. Ancestors who overcame great challenges in their lifetime. The strength of crocuses pushing up through the snow. Okay, another breath.

Now that we have connected with our true nature and called in our strength, now is the time to let our creative selves draw, paint, write, collage something that captures that essence, the essence of our center, the essence of our strength. What we are really doing now is creating a reminder of how we feel in this moment, this vacation from the emergency, when we are fully connected back with our deeper self, all resources fully intact. Because we will go back into the day-to-day world after the ceremony, and this piece or art or writing will be our touchstone to remember this moment of peace and quiet knowing.

The final step in our ceremony is to close with prayer or gratitude or another centering activity. In closing, we thank and release the power that is bigger than ourselves, the power we called in earlier and we will prepare to transition back to the regular world.

And then, we eat. Eating is very important after ceremony because it connects us back to the physical world and raises our blood sugar which may have been lowered during the ceremony. Dedicating some time to being gentle with ourselves for the next few hours is also important. Activities like resting, reading, taking a bath, doing yoga or taking a long walk give us time to reflect and absorb the shift we just made. Drinking a lot of water can helpful just like we're told to do after a massage because we are detoxing the fear in all levels.

So those are the steps I wrote to my friend as a sketch for a COVID-19 ritual. The actual ritual which was held this past weekend, was an opportunity to try them out. We held the ritual on Zoom. We took time to check in, center and ground. We went over a few guidelines to make it a safe and confidential space. We used trauma sensitive language. The dancing moved our fears. Te art helped us concretize and anchor the clarity we found once we were centered. We agreed to hang our art in a place where we would see it daily. The ceremony connected us to one another in this rather precarious time and it connected us back to ourselves. So, in short, a success. And a wonderful opportunity to practice ceremony making in a moment of great need.

So as you can see, this was pretty simple. There were just a few steps involved. I invite you to consider how ceremony might benefit you and your community right now. Send us a note at shamepinata.com and let us know how it goes if you do create your own ceremony. You can also sign up for our mailing list to be notified if we do another ceremony. And, consider adding an audio note to our side project Community Mail Box to share what’s helping you stay connected, sane and creative right now. You can also check out a resources listed there. Find the link in the show notes. In the meantime, keep breathing!

Our music is by Terry Hughes. If you like the show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with a friend. I’m Colleen Thomas. Thanks for listening.